Borrowed Time: The Remixes (Free Music Download)
February 21, 2012
The last week was a snap shot of my life at it’s most active- I went to Florida for a speaking engagement (my wife partner and I discuss how we keep her HIV status as negative in our relationship, if you’re a newbie) and I was busy working on new music with my synthpop duo, Synthetic Division. Speaking of, we released a limited-time free downloadable EP on Valentine’s Day called Borrowed Time: The Remixes.
The EP contains 4 remixes of a song I wrote back in 2003. “Borrowed Time” really was a turning point for me in terms of songwriting. I’d overheard someone suggesting that I was on borrowed time due to my HIV status. I guess I internalized the comment because a couple months later I was writing a song about it. The chorus of the song goes like this: “Am I borrowed time, do I have much left? Is it not sinking in, that I am checking out?”
Big thanks to The Lunarium and kuanes for hooking up the fabulous remixes of a song that holds a special place in my thinblooded heart. And big thanks to
About the tune… I wrote the song a few years after my HIV diagnosis was upgraded to an AIDS diagnosis in 1999. In July of ’99 I had 38 t-cells, but I started on HIV meds and played my first live gig as Synthetic Division in late September of the same year, thanks to the meds boosting my immune system back up. My new friends in C’ville welcomed me into the local underground goth/electro community and encouraged me to play shows- something I’d always wanted to do. The sound of Borrowed Time was inspired by playing those live shows after regaining my health and, consequently, the energy to write new music.
Now it’s a decade later. I’m still writing. Not playing out quite as often, and with my bum ankle I need to seriously consider how many shows I want to book later in the year when Synthetic Division releases a new album and plans a mini-tour on the East Coast. But that’s months down the road. I’m not on borrowed time. I’ll still be here and I’ll deal with whatever comes my way.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Happy Valentine’s Day
February 13, 2012
Self love. Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be a series of dividing lines between those who are in a relationship, or those who want to be or those who couldn’t give two shits either way. Aside from floating Hallmark, Valentine’s Day should be a moment to embrace self love. Depending on how frisky you feel at the moment, that phrase is open to individual interpretation.
I know a lot of folks in my viral boat struggle over the thought of finding someone that can accept HIV and the common misconceptions that make up the virus’s entourage. It’s a lot to worry about, but ultimately the best we can do is be honest about who we are, pass along the facts and hope that people are willing to open their minds to that information. Regardless of how someone reacts to you, ultimately your long-term health and happiness is dependent on your ability and willingness to love yourself.
So think about all you’ve accomplished- all you’ve been through- and give yourself the best gift you can on Valentine’s Day. Be simple, be creative, but what really matters is… be your most beautiful self.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
A Week of Being A Weakling
February 5, 2012
After posting the last blog, I soon realized that it was going to take a bit longer to get well than I originally thought. That’s why I had to postpone a speaking engagement that would have had me flying across the country today… just had no energy from about the middle of the week on, and a couple nights of less than restful sleep… very reminiscent of last October, when I had a similar bug that lasted about three weeks, with lots of false “I’m better now!” starts.
I believe this photo was taken the moment I realized I was sicker than I’d hoped…
Anyway, here’s to hoping that this week is better health-wise. I didn’t get a damn thing done last week, but Gwenn took good care of me and I’m thankful to have a partner who is so in tune with my health and understands the need to put the brakes on once in awhile.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Writing Again
February 1, 2012
Writing is one of my favorite things to do- when I’m inspired. When I’m not I’ve learned not to push it. It’s why this blog goes through dry spells. Do I like sharing my life? Yes. But not so much when I’m not in the mood to write. Which can be often.
Lately, I’ve really gotten into writing again. Old school. With a pen and notebook. It’s a creative project, I’ll share details if anything ever comes of it. I know, that’s a tease. But I wanted to enter 2012 sharing more details of my life and I’m happy to report that one of the great joys of my existence has found it’s way back into my daily routine.
On a personal health note, I’ve succumbed to one of the bugs that’s been going around town. Fortunately it’s not the “flu-like symptoms” one that some friends have been felled by. Mine is just the annoying sinus drainage, sleep ruining type. A constant minor headache accompanied by lethargy. What’s most irritating is that it has kept me from writing and going to the gym. It didn’t keep me from watching the Royal Rumble, though. So it isn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things. I’m just taking my time and resting up for a trip that’s right around the corner.
Hope this finds you all feeling well and doing whatever it is that you love to do.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
For You Fellow Rasslin Fans
January 28, 2012
So, when the humorists over at the wrestling opinion website, Podswoggle, invited me to write a column for them about tomorrow’s Royal Rumble- my favorite wrestling event of the year- I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Check it out here.
Hope everyone out there is having a good match against whatever ails ya.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Bummer of the Week: My Bum Ankle
January 24, 2012
Apparently I have the ankle of a senior citizen who had a serious injury in their youth. On Monday morning, I got an X-ray of my problem spot- my left ankle- and the orthopedic foot and ankle specialists were pretty alarmed by what they saw. A complete lack of cartilage that is causing stress between two bones in my ankle. Fortunately, I was prepared for the news, considering that I’ve been limping on and off for several years now. It was the increase in pain at the end of summer that necessitated the appointment.
None of the solutions for this kind of problem applies to me. An ankle replacement is only good for about 10 to 15 years, which isn’t appropriate for someone my age. Another alternative, fusing the bones, would make the ankle immobile, and I don’t register the levels of pain that make this option a no-brainer for a lot of people whose bones and joints are in far worse shape. The cause of the deterioration is a lifetime of hemophilia and minor bleeding into the joint. The blood erodes the cartilage- once that’s gone there’s no protection in the joint. Another culprit is the adverse effect that HIV medications can have on bone density. I’ve been on the meds since 1999, so…
So, what do I do? Well, I can minimize pain by avoiding super long walks, accepting the generous amounts of available wheelchairs in airports, giving up tennis (even triples play with friends, one of my favorite summer activities) and bowling. And no more hopping around on stage during Synthetic Division shows. I plan to keep my weight reasonable by using the exercise bike at the gym. In terms of the pain, one thing that has helped out is the strap-on that I started wearing last fall… a strap-on ankle brace, folks. Minds out of the gutter, please. Mainly, I need to ice up and stay off of the ankle when it starts hurting.
The strategy in doing all of these things is to bide my time until science catches up. One of the specialists, a guy around my age, said that labs are working diligently in the hopes of discovering a way to regrow cartilage. He estimated that this could be available in 10 years time. Both he and the doctor agreed that I should basically do nothing at this point. I am on board to take the ankle issue seriously, and have it last until the day that science bails me out.
Is it a tough pill to swallow? Not yet. I guess part of my journey has been dealing with medical news. Bad news. I’m sure it’s going to be frustrating when the ankle prevents me from doing something I really want to do. That undoubtedly will happen, and the temptation will be there to press on and just deal with the pain afterward. The problem is getting into a bad routine- if I do that enough times then I could really do more damage. And, in a way, I’ve already done that. The ankle has been hurting for years now. Hell, it hurt so bad a few years ago that I hailed a cab halfway through the AIDS Walk in NYC. I think my shirt even said, “Limpin’ Ain’t Easy” that year.
I’m cool with the plan. I’m at peace with how much I’ve been able to do with this ankle. It’s helped me kick HIV’s ass. It’s taken me places I never imagined I’d go, and now I need to show my thanks by giving it a much-needed rest.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
SHOCKER: Red Ribbon Worn At Golden Globe Awards
January 16, 2012
Yes, you read that right- an actor of prominence wore a red ribbon on his suit jacket at the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday night. Before I laud praise, I gotta say that it was wonderful to see one of those little suckers. Really. I paused the screen to inspect it, I was so excited.
Back in the 1990s, actors routinely wore red ribbons to award shows to express their solidarity with the plight of those living with HIV. But once treatments became available to those in privileged areas of the world, the red ribbons started to disappear. By the end of the 90s the red ribbons had gone the way of the parachute pants, deemed unworthy to enter the new millennium. So big ups to the one and only Steve Buscemi, who continued his tribute to the 90s by losing a Best Actor Award in the TV Series to Kelsey Grammer.
If there’s ever a ribbon made for actors who lose acting awards to Grammer, I’m wearing one in your honor, Steve.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Labtest Contest Results and Winner
January 13, 2012
So I’m doing alright! But enough about me. Who guessed the closest? Who is the new champion? (Sorry Justin Starkenburg, you’ve been dethroned.) Well, it is none other than the wonderful Bob Geise, who registered a guess of 595 and missed the actual count by a gaggle of 5 t-cells. Impressive work for a competitor in the contest who has tried to win this title before. I caught up with Bob earlier on Facebook to get his reaction to the victory and how it came to be.
“I actually did use a formula to figure it out. I wish I could remember
it. It had something to do with averaging your numbers and then
averaging the amount of change from test to test. Somehow I figured for
outliers and made an educated guess.”
Impressive stuff!
If you recognize Bob on this blog, it may be from last year when I posted one of his poems about Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas. Bob writes extensively on his Eloquent With Rage Facebook page, I strongly encourage everyone to Like this page because Bob has a big heart, an open mind and an incredibly deft grasp of the English language. A literary triple threat!
And now he is the Labtest Contest Champion of my T-Cells.
So a big congratulations to Bob, who has opted for the signed copy of My Pet Virus because he lent his to someone and never got it back. Perhaps that act of treachery inspired the demented formula that led to this rousing victory? Thanks to everyone who participated in the Contest. Per standard protocol, I cannot honor your request for a recount… just come back in June and try again!
Positively Yours,
Shawn
LIFE IN PHOTOS
Shit got whack at da coffee shop today.
One of my #Halo friends is a vicious monster who will attack the moment you turn your back to him. Every Team Slayer match is basically 3 on 5 with him involved. The game should have trials for war crimes as a game mode.
Yesterday the neighbor's cat paid us a visit. His name is Hobbes, and it was our first meeting. He is very friendly.
I know what you all want, and it isn't pasty European Heavyweight champions... it's me drinking iced mochas. Behold.
Speaking About Sexual Health
Since 2000, Shawn and Gwenn have been speaking about sexual health together, sharing their personal story and empowering others to be safe. If you are interested in having them speak at your event, fill out the Contact Us form.
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It will be the funniest book you've ever read about someone having AIDS... guaranteed!