I’ve officially cancelled my membership to Cold’s Gym. To do so, you have to write a letter and send it by certified mail. This is what I sent:
August 16, 2006
Dear Gold’s Gym,
I am formally requesting via certified mail that my membership be cancelled.
Though your new location was closer to my residence than the old one, a general state of sloth/malaise–which has plagued generations of my family–prevented me from taking full advantage of your services.
Author of MY PET VIRUS