Shawn + Gwenn

Donald Trump’s (Fictional) Presidential HIV/AIDS Survey Answers

Imagining a world where Republican candidates answer surveys by HIV/AIDS organizations… here’s Donald Trump “discussing” the issues of the day. Enjoy.

Positively Yours, Shawn


On HIV research


An extremely credible source has called my office and informed me that HIV is harmless. Another source has told me that a cure would be easy. Easy. If HIV is a threat- and I’m not saying it isn’t a threat- then I’ll have the best minds find the best cure possible. The greatest cure.

On HIV issues and opioid addiction


All of the drugs are coming in from the Mexico border. Once the wall is up- and it is going to be a beautiful wall, I’m telling you, just an absolutely beautiful wall-… there will be no more drugs. People use drugs because they don’t think America is great.

On The National HIV/AIDS Strategy


You tell me what the strategy is? What’s your strategy?

The Office of National AIDS Policy


They have an office for that? Look, I’d get those jokers out of there. I’d say, “You’re fired” and get the best people on the job- no office necessary, just top-of-the-line laptops. Maybe put them up in a Trump tower- who could work in an office in Washington and get a damn thing done? You’ve got to be kidding me.


The Future of the Ryan White Program

He has a program? That is wonderful. Guys don’t know how to throw the football anymore. And Ryan White was just a great quarterback and a great leader on the field. Dallas Cowboys. 1980s. Underrated, in my opinion. Just a fantastic talent.

(At this point an aide leaned in, whispered into Donald Trump’s ear, and then they both abruptly left the room.)

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