This Positoid’s Life (September-October 2008)
October 22, 2008
I’ve been writin’ a lot of blogs with no pictures and my camera has been screaming for attention. So here’s the last couple of weeks of This Positoid’s Life, with nifty captions. Enjoy!
Saturday, September 27: Bruce gets married! Bruce is a good friend and merch man for Bella Morte (here, from left, Gopal former and founding member, Andy, Bruce, Micah and Tony).
Bruce and Eliza go on their honeymoon, so Gwenn steps in to do merch for Bella Morte’s CD release party the following weekend. Fun fact: Gwenn manages the band, but sleeps with the lead singer of…
Synthetic Division opens the show for the Bella Morte CD release party! (That’s me and Marshall Camden, who is not smoking in this pic.)
I snapped this photo from stage while singing a cover of “Photographic” by Depeche Mode. Get it? That’s two members of Silent Muse, who will be playing with Bella in December.
We have fans, check out the shirt! That’s me and Sharley, who rocks.
Andy Deane resteals his thunder with Bella Morte- CD release party is a success!
A couple days later, it was off to Beaumont, Texas, for the Triangle AIDS Network conference on HIV. I spoke solo last year, but this year Gwenn and I went together to speak about being in a sero-discordant relationship.
What was interesting about this year was that Hurricane Ike had ravaged the community about a month before the conference. There were blue tarps on roofs that were waiting to be fixed, and rain water caused more flooding the night before we flew back home.
And speaking of home, another speaker, Tom Donahue of Who’s Positive, was at the conference, too. He dropped me a line quite a few years ago, just after he tested positive. Well, turns out he’s been living in Charlottesville for a year, and the first time we met in person was in- you got- Texas.
Here he is with a new camera, which he was very excited about. I think he was working for the Pozarazzi of Poz Magazine, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that photos of me don’t sell!
One of the problems brought about by Hurricane Ike as it pertained to the conference was the host hotel- they were closed longer than expected, which meant the conference needed a new home. It also meant that Gwenn and I and the rest of the speakers spent a night or two at a Catholic Retreat Center in the woods. I picked Room 13, just because I thought that was funny, given my love of Friday the 13th movies…. well, the joke was on me when I woke up that morning, and there was no power!
Everyone knows the power goes out before you bite the bullet. Fortunately, the only thing I missed as a result wasn’t a limb to a machete-wielding maniac, it was a shower.
The conference went well, and it was nice to see some new faces this year, and some familiar ones from last year’s conference.
On the way home, I posed with some cardboard cut-outs of the two respective presidential tickets, and I had a revelation…
The “Rebel Without a Cure” has been supporting these guys?
Look at McCain, he’s the only one of the four who was ballsy enough to pose for his cut-off without a big cheesy grin. That’s enough for me, consider the Rebel Without a Cure a full-fledged member of the Team of Mavericks. (I figure that, being a smartass with AIDS, my endorsement probably hurts.)
Then this past weekend, Gwenn and I spoke at the 4th Annual Conference on HIV in Maine, where my ego was stroked by quite a few people who knew me from my column in Poz. One very nice person said she’s been reading it for over ten years now… another stopped me in the hallway and apologized for gushing. I encouraged her to go on, then later she asked when Synthetic Division was going to play in Maine… hey, maybe someday Tom can sell those photos to the Pozarazzi after all?
Oh, and with all the above Gwenn found time to judge the Miss Hill City pageant in Lynchburg, Virginia, while I was at home with Andy of Bella Morte, watching Bernard Hopkins box Kelly Pavlik’s ears. If any sporting event should make cocky democrats, who believe in polling, nervous, it should be the sight of the 43-year old Hopkins dismantling the previously undefeated Kelly Pavlik.
All of this is the perfect tie-in to my column in this month’s Poz magazine. It’s about, what else, pageants. You read read “Life’s Rich Pageant” at poz.com. (For a trip down memory lane, here’s a column I wrote for Poz in 1998, “Kid Gloves”.)
If this blog seems long, well, it may be the last one until the after life. Just found out Erin Weed is coming into town today. I thought I heard her cracking her knuckles on the voicemail message.
Pray for the thinblooded maverick.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
A Beautiful Death
October 6, 2008
Lots of very cool things are happening. My political coverage with young Evelyn has really blown things open for me, today I’m having an interview with Richmond’s Urge Magazine- it’s actually totally unrelated but anyway…
The big debate between McCain and Obama is tomorrow, and I’m currently negotiating with Evelyn’s handlers (namely her mom, Lauren) about teaming up again. If so, I’ll post the results on Wednesday. I honestly believe that we are the best political team in the world.
In a related bit of personal news, the adoption went through and Gwenn and I are now the proud parents/legal guardians of Andy Deane, lead singer of Bella Morte.
This could be a very big mistake…
Actually, the big cheesy grins are for another reason, Bella Morte’s new album, Beautiful Death, comes out tomorrow. So swing by iTunes and give a listen to the samples there, or check out BellaMorte.com for details.
I have to go… dammit, Andy’s gotten into the cotton balls and honey again. I have no idea why we store those together, but that’s going to have to be reassessed… being a parent changes everything.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Synthetic Division and Bella Morte… TONIGHT!
October 4, 2008
Tonight Synthetic Division plays again! And here’s that video I promised a couple of weeks ago, of us covering Depeche Mode’s “Photographic”, and early 80’s gem.
I know I look a little nerdy, but I’m a little nerdy so there you go! But before you write anything snarky, take notice at the hand on my mic stand- that’s the left hand of the last person who talked smack on the Division.
TuPac had nothing on me.
I steal a lot of my stage moves from the thickblooded frontman of Bella Morte, Andy Deane. Of course, I can’t do the jumps due to a bum ankle, but I make up for it with geek chic charm.
Speaking of Bella Morte, we’re opening for them tonight in Charlottesville, at the Outback. The Bella boys released their music video for the first single on the new album, check it out here, it’s swoon-worthy for the ladies and boys.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Eary 1990’s Bono
September 23, 2008
Was in Target tonight, and found a jacket on the ladies discount rack: I immediately thought of Bono from the early 1990’s, and am thinking he might make a good Halloween costume?
Shawno as Bono for Halloween 2008?
These were sunglasses Gwenn happened to have in her purse. I’d need a wig and someone to go as my wingman for the evening, The Edge. Oh yeah, I’d need somewhere to go on Halloween night as well, since I’m thinking Early 90’s Bono might scare off the trick or treaters.
Maybe dressing up as Early 90’s Bono is a plan better suited for Bella Morte’s CD Release party on October 4? Synthetic Division landed the opening slot, and I’d love nothing more than to steal Bella’s hard-earned thunder as “The Fly”, channeling Bono in his classic frontman prime.
Look out Andy Deane: don’t say you haven’t been warned.
As for simmering feuds with friends, no updates on the Erin Weed front, though she did appear on the NYC Weekend Today show. On the way to the program, she fended off the attack of a random stranger… Can you imagine that poor luck jackass? Of all the people he grabs, he chooses someone who has taken classes on how to hurt people the right way.
I’m waiting to hear back from my hematologist about whether I should be in one of Erin’s videos. If I get the green light, I’ll run it by the National Hemophilia Foundation. If they say it’s cool, I’m totally going to whoop Erin’s butt.
Maybe I’ll dress up as Early 1990’s Bono to surprise her?
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Synthetic Division Snubbed at MTV Music Awards
September 8, 2008
Saturday night a synthpop duo played their hearts out in Charlottesville. Then, on Sunday night in Los Angeles, MTV gave all their awards to Britney Spears. What?
No Best Synthpop Duo. No Outstanding Thinblooded Male Vocal. Not even a Video Vanguard Award for this.
Nothing! How many other artists can get up there and tear it up with a bleeding disorder?
Despite the snub to the bleeding disorders community, the weekend could only be considered a success. The rain stopped early in the afternoon on Saturday, and a good amount of people came out to shake their booties even though they saw us last month at the Dawning benefit show. (Cool live shot by Cousin Holly!)
This time, we were at Gravity Lounge, a place that holds fond memories. Gwenn and I had our rehearsal dinner there, and I did a reading at GL last year for the Festival of the Book. But this time? My only purpose at Gravity was to bring the rock.
The show was originally to be headlined by Girlfriend in a Coma, but the Smiths cover band broke up a couple of weeks before the gig… just like the original band! Still, the night was salvaged- Brad Savage from The Corner 106.1 spun 80’s and early 90’s tunes in between two Synthetic Division sets… the highlight of the evening? Watching Gwenn dance to Prince’s “Pussy Control”.
The day or so after a gig, I’m always limping around. Sometimes I’ll take a nasal hit of Stimate, a clotting agent, before a show, because I have so much fun on stage hopping around like an idiot with the proper amount of clotting factor. If Synthetic Division ever toured, I’d have to tone the antics down. But, at one gig a month, I think I can handle the fleeting discomfort.
In a long overdue move, on Saturday night Synthetic Division did a Depeche Mode cover, programmed by JDavyd Williams, who works with Marshall in another C’ville dynamic duo, Tacit Act. If you are on Facebook, check out a video of us performing the Depeche classic from 1981, “Photographic”, recorded by Stephanie DePaolis, who ironically has taken lots of photos at Synthetic Division shows… thanks, Steph!
If you’re not on Facebook, I’ll try to get an embed on the next blog.
Hope everyone else had a picture perfect weekend.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes!
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.
Cousin Holly, Synthetic Division and Family Reunions
September 2, 2008
At the beginning of August, I was honored to entertain my secondish-cousin, Holly, who was in Virginia for our family reunion.See, the six siblings of my late grandmother’s family were serious about staying in touch. And Holly’s grand-or-great grandmother was my grandmother’s sister. I’m terrible with family trees. Anyway, each of the six siblings picked a color many years ago, and every summer the extended families get together.
Holly is a Red Shirt from Kentucky, I’m from the Navy Blue shirt clan based here in Virginia.
Holly is 17, and traveled all the way for Louisville (”Lua-vuh”, as she says). I was lame and skipped out of the reunion this year, but I was there last year and that’s when I got to know Holly. She rocked out for the dreaded Talent Competition of the family reunion, playing either the clarinet/trumpet/sax.
I’m terrible with wind instruments. (”A trumpet!” Holly has corrected me.)
After the dreaded Talent Competition, which I watched from the sidelines, there was the dreaded Family Reunion Auction. Family members make homemade jams, ovenmitts- you name it we make it. Inevitably, feelings are hurt when hours of work are auctioned off at less than wallet-busting prices.
Last year, one of Holly’s relatives bought My Pet Virus at the discounted rate of $3. A signed copy, no less! This slight only occurred because my Mom wasn’t there to insult the family into putting more bids towards the single greatest professional achievement of my lifetime.
After tipping a tray of nachos, I regained my composure and noticed the trumpet player had my book. I complimented her on her outstanding musical abilities. We exchanged MySpace and email addies, and stayed in touch.
I even sent her a Synthetic Division CD, based on her impressive lists of favorite bands on her site. She liked it, so when I got a last-minute show in Charlottesville that coincided with her trip to Virginia, I invited her to come along.
A talented photographer, Holly brought her camera along to document the show and the fun, which involved her meeting our friends in town and a late-night, post-show trip to iHop. “We don’t have one back home!” Holly said, lighting up at the opportunity.
One of the things that bonded me to Holly was the fact that, around her age, I too competed in the dreaded family Talent Competion. It was one of Synthetic Division’s first gigs, taking place at 1 p.m. at Dupont Park in the dead heat of summer in 1992. Armed with a synthesizer, I played an instrumental ditty, backed by layers of preprogrammed drums and synth lines.
The Green shirts, our beloved and most rural branch of the family, didn’t know what hit them.
Aside from the curious sounds, a fair amount of confusion and concern surrounded my fate in ‘92. I pinned so many hopes on making it in music, and the hours I spent listening to Depeche Mode and fiddling with my keyboards provided a safe haven from the doomed visions of AIDS, and what it may have held in store. Regardless of shirt color, I believe that most of the family members thought that that moment would be their only opportunity to see Synthetic Division live.
But that had little to do with Synthetic Division staying alive.
Proof of my confidence that I’d be around for a lot longer dates back to that Talent Competition in 1992. Painfully shy about my music, I agreed to give the family a Synthetic Division, but only under the agreement that I’d never have to participate again if the performance didn’t help secure the Trophy.
I played a couple of instrumental songs, and then the rest of the family came and clapped, playing the fools to the delight of no one. And seeing Dad shirtless in a faux-diaper made me realize what a masterstroke my deal was.
In 1989, Synthetic Division was more about image than actual music. (That’s me on right)
Mom figured that the judging panel would be swayed to reward me for my brave battle with AIDS, and could see the delight in her own mother’s eyes when the trophy came back home to the Navy Blues. What they didn’t figure in is that my music sucked, AIDS or no AIDS. Also, this reunion was a full five years after my diagnosis, and the family was starting to get comfortable with the thought that I’d be around for a while.
“There’s always next year, kid,” as they say.
We lost that year. And I’ve stuck to the terms of the agreement, never participating in Talent outside of judging for the Blues. I like that. And I like the thought that the only time I will attend the family reunion as an adult in diapers won’t be until the year 2060.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
PS… see Synthetic Division in Charlottesville, this Saturday! Two sets, first one at 8 p.m, second at 9 p.m.
Shawn’s Favorite Things: Engine Down
August 8, 2008
To escape the impending clot-fest of the Olympics, I ran off to Richmond to see a screening of Engine Down’s new DVD- “From Beginning to End”. Here’s the trailer:
Watching the documentary gave me a lot of insight into the band, whose music is still among my favorite. It also brought back a lot of memories, how I came to know their music and their bass player, Jason, the gentleman who open the trailer above with a toast to his friends.
I always assume the bands of mutual friends suck, because statistics back up such an assumption. So I wasn’t eager to check out this “great band” my friends, Kelly and Jeff, kept telling me about. Plus, back in 1999 it took more work to hear a band. The night I met Jason, I mentioned our group of mutual friends go putt putting and his eyes were the only set that lit up.
A friendship was born.
When his then-girlfriend, Danielle, got a job working alongside Gwenn at the local AIDS Services Organization, it only insured that we’d be hanging out and putt putting on a regular basic. I also heard his band- and they were actually good.
Very good.
Around the time I met Jason, I’d just started meds, and I remember Danielle telling me how much Jason enjoyed our friendship. And that he worried about me. I was still kind of skinny, gaining weight back on my first set of HIV drugs. But he was skinnier than me- he was in an indie rock band, after all.
After hearing Engine Down, I had an ambitious idea for the local goth music night, run by new friends in Bella Morte. Why not get Bella Morte and Engine Down together for a fundraising show? I selflessly offered Synthetic Division (just me swaying behind two synthesizers) as the opener, and both bands donated their services.
In 2005, cuddle-time with Jason and Jonathan of Engine Down
The Tokyo Rose, the sushi bar that hosted the show, was packed. Indie kids and goth kids bantied about in their skinny jeans and leather pants, and our friends from the AIDS Services Group gave out condoms to everyone. I talked briefly about my HIV status before launching into a 20-minute set, swaying behind the keyboards before the pros in Bella Morte and Engine Down took the stage.
For six years afterwards, the flyer stayed on the refrigerator. I have a feeling the flyer is going to make a dramatic return.
When I wrote My Pet Virus, I was so moved by a lyric on their final, self-titled album that I asked if I could use it. (They said, “Hell yeah!”) It goes as follows:
“Please don’t ask me again, please don’t ask her again. It’s okay you didn’t know we have a long time waiting.”
That resonated with me in regard to my job, working with Gwenn and educating about HIV, which means opening up our personal life for Q&A, often fielding the following query: “Gwenn, what would you do if Shawn got sick? Or died?” I take pride in making people comfortable enough to ask such questions, but Engine Down gave that pat on the shoulder. “It’s okay, you have a long time waiting.”
If you’ve never heard of Engine Down, check them out. I promise they don’t suck.
“Cover”, from the album Engine Down
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes!
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.
Synthetic Division Steals a Dog
August 5, 2008
![benefit[1].jpg](http://blogs.poz.com/shawn/upload/benefit%5B1%5D.jpg)
I left out the biggest piece of information about River the Cat- he is looking for a permanent home! If you live near Connecticut, click on his name and make contact. He’d love to hear from you.
I’d adopt River myself, but I’m afraid he’d steal all the attention away in this household, with his FIV and overall cuteness.
In Synthetic Division news, I got a phone call a couple of days ago, and will be playing a show this Saturday in Charlottesville. Which is cool, because I don’t have any shows on the calendar. Plus, this one is to raise money for the Dawning- the local goth night- so they can purchase a P.A. system.
Synthetic Division has lost it’s way as of late, stealing cupcakes and embarking on other petty bits of crime to pass the summer. Perhaps knowing that I cannot give River the Cat a home led me to my latest atrocity as one half of a Virginia-based synthpop duo?
Only the curious should click the YouTube video below…
Oh, come on. Don’t act like you’ve never stolen your friends’ dog before.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes!
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.
Walking (and rocking) Across the Country
June 23, 2008
One of the perks of speaking out about HIV is that it’s given me the opportunity to see most of the United States over the last ten years.
My friends in Bella Morte have said the same thing about being in their band. Fortunately for me, I don’t have to ride in the van to see the country. I get to fly around, albeit in coach. Sure, talking about having AIDS means I don’t get panties thrown at me or anything like that… or maybe there’s no pantie-throwing because- when I speak- Gwenn is right there speaking beside me.
Either way, I’ll take the plane over the smelly van any day.
Last Thursday, the boys in Bella Morte set off to conquer the country on a U.S./Canada tour, and I took this video with my camera:
The song playing in that video is “Party Time” by Bella Morte, a cover of the 45 Grave song, made famous for its inclusion in Return of the Living Dead. It’s the same song I used in my pretzel video in the previous blog.
And no, I didn’t steal those pretzels. And yes, I do regret it.
Since I’m in a full-disclosure frame of mind today, I have to make a confession. For months I wrote about AIDS Walking in New York, about beating Kenneth Cole and how he didn’t even show up to face my challenge… well, one thing I didn’t brag about is that I didn’t exactly complete the AIDS Walk.
Halfway through the 6-mile walk, I hitched a cab. There, I wrote it.
Last year, I was limping around for days after finishing the Walk, and I promised Gwenn I wouldn’t mess myself up again. I was doing fine until a mid-point stop, where our team lined up for the Porta-Potties. After sitting down for twenty minutes, my trick ankle was not having any more of the AIDS Walk.
“But people donated,” I told Gwenn. “Not to torture you!” She countered. Still, I did swallow a little pride there.
So when I heard that a positoid was walking from Seattle to Washington D.C., leaving at the end of this month and arriving on December 1, World AIDS to raise funds and awareness about the epidemic, I had to find out more. Were there going to rollerblades involved? Or a Segway?
All was revealed when I caught up with Michael Moore-VonGaysen to ask him a few questions about his project, Positive Steps.
How long have you been HIV positive?
Michael: Well Shawn, the fateful date would be Jan 27, 2006. That is the date that my little pet entered into my life.
What inspired you and your partner, Mark, to walk across the country?
Well, one night during a chill Spokane winter, we were out on the porch smoking a cigarette, chit chatting about the current stigma facing those living with HIV/AIDS. I shared with Mark my mother’s first reaction when i told her. She asked: ” Does this mean we can’t drink out of the same glasses as of you?”
This memory is truly the initial inspiration. Thinking that a lot of America is isolated from the true impact of this pandemic that faces our nation. And that ignorance breeds fear, and fear breeds prejudice. Most people feel that this disease is limited to metro areas and and high risk groups, but the face of HIV/AIDS has changed over the years, reaching into our heartland. We feel by walking through the heartland we will reach more people and make them to sit up and take notice.
I hope lots of folks greet you along the way. OK, I gotta know one thing: Do you have a foot masseur waiting for you in D.C. on World AIDS Day?
Unfourtunatly no masseur, but i hope a group of friends will be flying out to meet us at the White House and celebrate a job well done, raising us up and carrying us upon their shoulders.
Sounds like a good time!
I feel this will not be so much in celebration but because I don’t know if either of us will be able to walk another step after 3,000 miles.
I couldn’t walk six, so I hear ya, Michael. Thanks for taking this on, and best of luck to you guys on your journey.
Thank you. And you can keep up with our progress on our website, The Positive Steps.
——————————–
That guy rules. Oh, I met him cyberly, by the way, and you can too if you’re on MySpace. Go here to add Michael as a Friend on MySpace.
I gotta say, I’m glad I met this positoid. I plan to vicariously complete my own AIDS Walk through his journey. Plus, he makes me realize what a bunch of wusses my negatoid friends in Bella Morte are for having to ride in a van to get across the country.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
The Top 5 Balls-Hot Video Countdown
June 10, 2008
For fellow East Coasters, I’ve painstakingly compiled a countdown list of the Top 5 Balls-Hot Music Videos of All-Time. Crank it up!
Number 5
“Some Like It Hot” Power Station
Number 4
“The Heat is On” Glenn Fry
Number 3
“Hot in the City” Billy Idol
Number 2
“Hot, Hot, Hot” Buster Poindexter
Number 1
“Hot Hot Hot” The Cure
And there you have it! Stay cool. Drink lots of fluids and avoid sex. For once I’m with the abstinence folks, but only because it’s just too damn hot outside.
Positively Yours,
Shawn