Hemo2Homo Connection: Star Trek
May 18, 2009
The Hemo2Homo Connection is Shawn Decker and Steve Schalchlin. Just two guys with AIDS who like to review movies.
The creators/stars of the Hemo2Homo Connection met online in 1996, and posted their first movie review in 1998. Both have been living with HIV for over twenty years, and have annoyed their friends and loved ones for much longer than that.
Steve Schalchlin (”Homo”) resides in Los Angeles, CA. He is an award-winning musician, singer and songwriter. Shawn Decker (”Hemo”) lives in Charlottesville, VA. He is an HIV/AIDS educator and the author of My Pet Virus.
The STAR TREK Review
HEMO: Seen any good movies recently, Hemo?
HEMO2031: Why yes, I have. Star Trek. Did you see it as well, Hemo?
HEMO: I did. And, overall, I enjoyed this film. Star Trek is the best Space AIDS movie since Starship Troopers.
HOMO: Shawn, who the hell are you talking to?
HEMO: I’ll tell you- in the future. For now, just know that I’m tired of being the young, wide-eyed half of this movie duo. You and I have been working together for 10 years now, and you always get to play the part of “Wise Sage Steve”, or “Mr. Movies” as they call you on the streets of Hollywood…
HOMO: No one has ever called me that.
HEMO: Not my point. My point is- I’ve survived over twenty years with HIV. But no matter how much older I get, you age at the same rate!
HOMO: Did you learn that heady stuff from Star Trek? What the hell is HEMO2031?
HEMO: It’s me, 22 years from now. That makes HEMO2031 your current age- 55. He/me is your equal. And I brought him back from the year 2031 to review Star Trek with me.
HOMO: This will be fun to watch.
HEMO2031: Nice to meet you, Steve.
HEMO: I call him “Homo”.
HEMO2031: In the year 2031 calling a gay man “Homo” is a crime that is punishable by death. If you don’t mind, I’ll call Steve “Steve”.
HOMO: He doesn’t mean anything by it, Hemo2031. I call him “Hemo.” Is that okay?
HEMO2031: Sure- but no one will know what you’re talking about in the year 2031, because hemophilia will be cured by then.
HOMO: Ha! Hear that, Hemo? Your kind will be extinct, and my kind will rule the Earth!
HEMO: This isn’t going how I planned. Look, this is all fascinating stuff about the future, really, but can we get back to Star Trek?
HOMO: Did you see the coming attractions? Previews are starting to feel longer than twenty-two years. This time, there was a long live-action version of that puppet film, Team America, complete with a fake Eiffel Tower being destroyed by some guys dressed like Iron Man who fight some multi-colored robots from outer space who are also attacking the Vatican.
It was called G.I. Transforminator.
HEMO: The G.I. Joe guys in those suits look like the NFL robots.
HOMO: Hey, Hemo2031, if you’re from the future, then you’ve already seen this flick. Any good?
HEMO2031: It will be deemed a classic of all time and they’ll pass a law that all movies must be sequels to G.I. Transforminator.
HOMO: With nothing but robots as characters? That will be the end of the AIDS movie as we know them. Will there be a Hemo2Homo Connection in 2031? My God- I’ll be 77. Will I be… alive?
HEMO2031: Yes, and yes. But the Hemo2Homo Connection will only review Michael Bay directed G.I. Transforminator movies from the year 2012 on, when President Jeb Bush signs into Michael Bay Act into law.
HOMO: That sounds like a fate far worse than death to me.
HEMO: … so no more movies about AIDS? We should really cherish Star Trek.
HOMO: You really see this as an AIDS movie? I thought you’d see it as a horror movie! It started right at the beginning with Kirk sitting at a table with Kleenex stuffed up his bloody nose. Then came Kid Spock kicking some other Vulcan kid’s ass… just like they used to beat you up in school just to watch you bleed! Fortunately, Spock’s blood is green and not all AIDS-y like yours.
HEMO: I was too distracted by the green-skinned bimbo to notice the green blood. It wasn’t until Spock’s planet was destroyed that it all clicked for me. “There’s only 10,000 Vulcans remaining,” Spock said. An obvious reference to the 1980’s blood scandal and The Committee of Ten Thousand.
HOMO: So this isn’t just an AIDS movie? It’s a thinblooded AIDS movie? Geesh. Hey, I wonder if they have Vulcan blood clogger-upper or if AIDS can be transmitted into copper-based blood? HEMO2031, any answers?
HEMO: I have a confession to make: I made up the HEMO2031 thing.
HOMO2031: Past me forgives you.
HEMO2031: Past me accepts.
HEMO: I can’t imagine how cranky you’ll be about movies at age 77, Homo. So what did you like most about Star Trek?
HOMO: I loved how the other characters on the bridge who channeled the spirit of the originals–and not just like extras. Each of them showing motivation, strength, innocence and fortitude. Not as much as us, and our ability to survive with AIDS. But close.
HEMO: The cast is great. My only beef with Star Trek was the CGI snow creatures scene, and the hanging on by the fingernails scenes. I hate those kinds of things in any movie, especially in one where you care about the characters. I’d rather have seen young Spock having a private conversation with his lady than watch Kirk narrowly cheat death. Again.
HOMO: Yeah, note to directors out there: The word “cliffhanger” is a metaphor. Still, you gotta give it up for a Hollywood movie with actual characters. They must have hired a gay. It’s the only explanation.
HEMO: It’s the only explanation for not seeing Green Alien Bimbo’s ta-tas.
HOMO: Kirk did look good in his undies in that scene. Maybe his not-so-light saber and her green boobs will be in the extras on the DVD? But Star Trek was just like the Hemo2Homo Connection… it was funny! This movie made me laugh out loud again and again. It felt like the real Star Trek, not like that tired Wolverine farce.
As for the rest of the summer, I’m already tired of G.I. Transforminator.
HEMO2031: Just wait until the year 2017, when you’re reviewing G.I. Transforminator 29: Rise Again of the Machines Again.
HOMO: Please, AIDS, take me now?
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Hemo2Homo Connection: Wolverine
May 11, 2009
The X-Men Origins: WOLVERINE Review
Hemo: Hey Homo, everyone’s all like, “Have you seen Star Trek? Have you? Huh?” It’s a recession, and I’m still counting my dollars trying to figure out if I’m going to see the Wolverine movie…
Homo: I’ve never been so disappointed in a movie in my life.
Hemo: See? Good thing I didn’t rush out to see Star Trek…
Homo: No, I’m talking about Wolverine. You know, positoid, that I am a lifelong X-Men fan. Growing up, they were the superhero gays that I couldn’t be. I even put this into a song in The Big Voice. The first two X-Men movies were so good, especially the second one, because the filmmaker knew what most comic readers know: It ain’t about the action. It’s about the characters.
Hemo: Yes! That’s why Watchmen was so good.
Homo: Exactly. Your mutant abilities are finally forming, Hemo. But in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, they manage to take all the mystery out of Wolverine, reducing him to a whiny little bitch, running around afraid of his big, bad older brother…
Hemo: Maybe in part two of Origins they reveal that Wolverine was born a Thinblood? It’s scary being a little brother with a bleeding disorder, knowing that at any time your big bro can erase you from existence.
Homo: That’s how it is for all little brothers. In this, he’s trying so hard to be a nice guy: THAT IS NOT WOLVERINE. That’s a whiny little bitch who hates being all mean and stuff. Where’s the fun? Where are the wisecracks? WHERE IS WOLVERINE??
So, having drained all the blood out of Wolverine, we’re treated to a movie that looks like it was made from stock footage from other “action movies” with Hugh Jackman’s face painted on the “hero.”
Tacky, dull, stodgy.
Not only that, but it’s the kind of movie where you are saying the cliched lines of dialogue along with the actors on the screen because there’s not a single original thought being expressed. And, but, for an origin story, we don’t really learn anything about what drives him. There’s a generic falling in love story. Bad guys kill the girl / must get revenge plot. But you don’t really know the girl and you don’t really fall in love with their relationship.
Have I mentioned how angry this makes me?
Hemo: Not to my knowledge.
Homo: Wolverine is a great character. It’s not right for him to be the SECOND BADDEST GUY in the story. And who’s the bigger, badder guy? My most unfavorite character in the Marvel Universe whose “power” is that his fingernails grow really long. I saw that on RuPaul’s Drag Race. I don’t need it in a super not-quite-villain whose motivations are also fuzzier than a homeless man’s belly button.
Shall I tell you how much I loathed this movie, Hemo?
Hemo: Be like the old Wolverine, don’t pull any punches!
Homo: I walked out during the end credits. Not because of low t-cells or anything- I just didn’t care about the extra scene.
Hemo: Sounds like this film should be sent off on the Starship Enterprise, to be reviewed in a future not so far away by the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 guys. Thanks for saving me some money, sorry your heroes let you down.
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Wanna know a hero who never let Steve of the Hemo2Homo Connection down? Dom DeLuise. This review is dedicated to the actor’s memory, who passed this month at the age of 75.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
“Jim and I are heartbroken. Dom was one of the nicest persons to me.
When we met, I think I was very ill at the time. We were invited to a
family picnic. I was just treated like one of the family. As he became
increasingly immobile, we would see Carol, but never Dom. He was a genuinely hilarious comedian.”
- Steve Schalchlin
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Hemo2Homo Connection: The Knowing Review
March 25, 2009
Hemo: Pesky little cold. Sorry I couldn’t make it to a movie this weekend. But I did make this killer movie poster…
Homo: Nice work!
And that’s OK- I’ll entertain you by telling you about what I saw. Nic Cage’s deliciously bad new movie might be as bad as the last M. Night movie. In fact, I’m going to tell you the entire movie so that I can save you those two and a half hours of your precious life.
Hemo: Please, I just have a cold. Enough friends already thinking I’m dying of AIDS here… It’s just a cold, dammit!
Homo: … or is it?
Hemo: Seriously, you were saying something about a movie? Nic Cage- let me guess, he has a peculiar expression on his face throughout most of the film?
Hemo: … I just got a little bit hard.
Homo: Not that kind of shrieking, thinblood. This shrieking isn’t for any good reason; it’s a generic “helpless
female” role designed to make Nic Cage look even more butch than he
already thinks he is — and boy does he get butch as an astrophysicist.
Hemo: Wasn’t he one of those in that last thing he did? International Treasurer? He hasn’t branched out since Valley Girl, my fave Cage flick of all time.
Homo: National Treasure, bleeder. But Nic’s really tough in this one. He hits a tree with a baseball bat to keep a roving pack of
Gothic Sting lookalikes away from his kid.
Hemo: Makes sense- gothic kids hate baseball.
Homo: As excruciating as it was, its basic concept and execution are so far off the edge of kookoo that I’m starting to like it in retrospect. Before I go any further… CAUTION TO READERS: I will reveal everything about this movie. Do not read this if you don’t want to know the plot and/or ending of this movie.
Hemo: They already stopped reading. So tell me more about the goth kids- you know I have a small goth following?
Homo: They’re just waiting for you to die. In this movie, these skinny, black-clad male models mysteriously hang out in the woods. They turn out to be aliens on a gay planet filled with Sting look-alikes. I think I rented that once already, only it was in one of those dark book stores your mama warns you about and it cost 25 cents per minute.
Hemo: The true sign of being old is having ever paid for porn.
Homo: Nic Cage is getting up there. But he retains his youth by jumping onto a speeding subway and protecting a woman from getting crushed in a big CGI crash sequence by just crouching over her. I guess this was to protest the fact that he didn’t get to play Superman?
Hemo: Why did you see this thing? I was unknowing of Knowing; never heard a thing about it.
Homo: I never miss a macho physicist movie. The plot, such as it is, is about the End of All There Is. There’s a page of numbers, which turn out to contain Big Spooky Movie Secrets that have Hidden Mysterious Meanings.
Hemo: *sleeping*
Homo: Oh, dear. And I haven’t even gotten to the stupid parts. It has one of the most asinine out of left field endings ever, complete with little kids holding bunny rabbits for some inexplicable reason… Hemo? You know what? I’ll spare you all the ending. You might be up late some night and if nothing else is on…
The Hemo2Homo Connection are Shawn Decker and Steve Schalchlin.
The creators met online in 1996, and
posted their first movie review in 1998. Both have been living with HIV
for over twenty years, and have annoyed their friends and loved ones
for longer than that.
Steve Schalchlin resides in Los Angeles, CA. He is an award-winning musician, singer and songwriter. Shawn Decker lives in Charlottesville, VA. He is an HIV/AIDS educator and the author of My Pet Virus.
Share the Blog. Not the Virus.
Hemo2Homo Connection: The Watchmen Review
March 8, 2009
HEMO2HOMO REVIEWS WATCHMEN
Hemo: What wasn’t funny was the one thing that almost ruined this movie for me: straight dudes. Anytime a penis appeared onscreen, a few groups of twenty-something “straight guys” felt the need to audibly gasp or giggle.
Homo: I did think that for a CGI penis, Dr. Manhattan’s naughty bit did seem to have a little life in it. Oddly, though, it also seemed perfectly natural — like seeing a big blue Greek statue. This is a character who has more or less risen beyond his humanity, so little things like blue dangly bits don’t really factor into his universe of awareness.
Hemo: If I had Dr. Manhattan’s powers, my blue penis would have been the size of Manhattan. Hey, didn’t you think he was the “positoid” of the movie? Society made him feel so bad about the risk of spreading his “cancer”, that he isolates himself emotionally.
Homo: But can you be a positoid if you have no blood?
Hemo: You’re tripping me out. Hey, did your partner in crime (crime being life), Jim, see this one with you?
Hemo: Badass!
Homo: Jim saw the movie and it passed his “butt test.” And he HATES long ones…
Hemo: That’s why he’s with you.
Homo: Long movies, bleeder… anyway, Jim is not a geek like me, and he said this almost three-hour movie came and went before he realized it was over. So, he was completely engrossed. Did Gwenn see it with you?
Hemo: No, this trip to the movies was a sausage fest. And I’m with Jim- I get lost in long movies, too. People assume AIDS is the worst thing that ever happened to me, but that’s not true… it was having to sit through a long movie.
Homo: Which one?
Hemo: Meet Joe Black- part of me never left that theater back in ‘98. I thought The Dark KnightThe Dark Knight was underserved by extending the movie by twenty minutes.
Hemo: I thought his name was Horshack?
Homo: Honestly. Two lame jokes in one review? Rorschach is insane and enjoys inflicting pain, but unlike Horshack, who does it with his whiny voice, Rorschach has a raspy nihilistic tone. And unlike The Joker, he is a moralist. So, the torture only goes to those he believes deserves it.
Hemo: The blood in this film surprised me as a hemophiliac. Not since Sweeney Todd have I enjoyed such grand cinematic plasma fix!
Hemo: (somberly) You know, I’d like to think that- if I had more clotting factor- I could put together a suit and go out and fight crime…
Homo: Please let me dwell for a moment on what your costume would look like. I know! Paint your pee pee red and go naked! (It’s the homo in me. I had to go there.) But seriously, as fellow positoids, we are bound together by our blood and purpose so that others aren’t afraid of our kind. I saw Watchmen as a symbol of our abiding friendship as competitive good guys making things right in the world.
Hemo: … so, am I a super hero?
Homo: Yes, but the only thing you bomb people with is your jokes.
A warning to our readers: Watchmen is a violent, complex, adult drama. It is not a “Let’s get together and fight the bad guy” kind of movie, though they describe, in the film, that that’s how super heroes in costumes started — cops dressing up in reaction to bad guys dressing up like gangs.
Hemo: I also enjoyed the dark tone of the movie, how the lines were constantly being blurred. It’s like watching the Today show, you don’t know who the bad guy is, or if there even is one.
Homo: It plays like a novel. Dense, intelligent and captivating. In fact I went to see it a second time and liked it even more. There’s so much in this movie, you can’t get it all the first time.
Hemo: Kind of like a Hemo2Homo Connection review, right?
Homo: Only if someone reads my parts.
Hemo: Yeah, yeah. Enjoy your insults while you can, thickblood. I’m off to go work on that red pee pee suit. There are bigger things out there in the world for me to do than review movies. You haven’t seen the last of me, Rorschachlin! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Is this the end of the Hemo2Homo Connection? Will Shawn return as a masked avenger, and try to take over the Hemo2Homo Connection once and for all? Tune in next time to find out!
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Steve’s addendum: Since I really liked this movie so much, I’d like to publish some additional thoughts after having seen it again. The best review I’ve read of “Watchmen” –the one I most agree with — is here written by Andrew O’Hehir. To tell you the truth, I’m a little peeved at the negative tone of many of the reviews, dismissing this intelligent, thoughtful and complexly difficult film outright as if it were a piece of fluff. That’s just too easy. For one thing, you have Alan Moore’s full permission. (He’s the rebellious author of the source material, a comic series now available as a graphic novel, who has refused all royalties or even allow his name on the credits). And for another, no one can convert a great work into another great work. One will always be a pale imitation of the other.
More links: Alan Moore, who created and wrote the original Watchmen, talks extensively about the role of super heroes and comic books in this stimulating and tough interview. It’s well worth reading.
The Hemo2Homo Connection are Shawn Decker and Steve Schalchlin.
The creators met online in 1996, and posted their first movie review in 1998. Both have been living with HIV
for over twenty years, and have annoyed their friends and loved ones for longer than that.
Steve Schalchlin resides in Los Angeles, CA. He is an award-winning musician, singer and songwriter. Shawn Decker lives in Charlottesville, VA. He is an HIV/AIDS educator and the author of My Pet Virus.
Coming Attraction…
March 6, 2009
“You know, Steve, when you told me you wanted to review Watch Men,
I thought you just wanted to watch a gay porn.” - Hemo (Shawn)
Decker. Schalchlin. Hemo. Homo.
Back together again as the most dynamic movie reviewing duo living with AIDS. Witness their dramatic return to this blog on Monday, and go see the movie so you know what the hell they are talking about.
And. most importantly, don’t forget to dare to believe again!
15 years of AIDS at the Oscars
February 26, 2009
There’s a great article on Poz.com, written by the talented Mr. Bob Ickes. It examines AIDS impact at the Oscars. Check it out!
Also, in my post-Oscar wrap blog, I mentioned that Heath Ledger wasn’t in this year’s “Death Montage” segment. That’s because he was there last year, since he passed in January of 2008.
Ooopsily Yours,
Shawn
Oscar Results
February 23, 2009
FAIL.
The Hemo2Homo Connection couldn’t have been more wrong in their predictions. Steve called it for Best Actor with Sean Penn, and the winner even gave the Connection a shout out from stage, saying “Homo” in his acceptance speech. Don’t believe me? Check it out at the :50 mark:
OK, maybe he wasn’t thinking about us in that moment.
If I’d been correct, I would have taken the high road and complimented my movie review partner for his spirited-yet-failed prediction. But Steve? Well, here’s the title of his blog post today: “Homo Wins! Hemo Walks Away in Disgrace.”
Steve also got the Best Supporting Actor award right with his brave choice of Heath Ledger. Who could have seen that one coming? What was strange was that the Academy left Heath off of the “Death Montage”, where they show a pic of everyone the film community has lost in the last year. This year, Queen Latifah sang during this part of the show. Since Heath’s family had already accepted his Best Supporting award, the Academy must have figured that everyone knew.
I really thought Marisa Tomei would win for Best Supporting Actress, but I’d totally forgotten that Penelope Cruz was in the running. And that she’d kissed Scarlett Johansson in that movie she was in. I really let down the straight movie-going public with that oversight and missed prediction. I promise this will not happen again.
Now, it’s off to find a theatre that is still playing Milk, a movie I’ve really wanted to see. Sadly, it left my town way too soon.
By the way, did anyone see Adrian Brody last night?
February 22, 2009 STEVE SAYS: The Oscars! The gayest event of the entertainment season featuring five movies no one in America actually saw all competing to win a prize so that their DVD sales will escalate (since none of the films ever played in any actual theaters where “the public” — that great unwashed mass of Paul Blart lovers — resides.) BEST ACTRESS: Kate Winslet. It takes great skill to play the stupidest woman who ever lived. (More on that later). BEST MOVIE: That’s stupid, Shawn. But not as dumb as THE READER. I hated this movie. OK, I am back now. Thanks for pitching in Steve, we’ll see how it goes tonight. Good luck to you… you’re going to need it! February 4, 2009 At the time, too, I didn’t know I was 3 years away from an AIDS diagnosis. I felt kind of indestructible at the time, really, realizing just how cool it was that I’d outlived that initial prognosis. I was never able to take it in before I spoke out about HIV, because I had a deep-seeded fear that the virus would take me some day. January 15, 2009 Shawn (AKA “Hemo”): What was your favorite movie of 2008? Shawn: Tropic Thunder! Robert Downey Jr. got screwed at the Golden Globes, losing Best Supporting Actor to Heath Ledger. Steve: He died- plus he was brilliant in The Dark Knight… Shawn: Robert Downey Jr. was brilliant in Tropic Thunder! And he’s been legally dead at least seventeen times since 1989. So what was the biggest dud of 2008? Shawn: Yes. Shawn: Lastly, what was your proudest moment of the Hemo2Homo Connection in 2008? Ten years ago we posted our first review, I don’t even know what movie we butchered. We were rolling for a bit, then went on hiatus. When I was writing My Pet Virus, I thought it would be funny to put our review of the AIDS-mentioning movie, The Hours, in there, half expecting my editor or publisher to suggest that it be removed. But no, it was well-received. And thus the fire in the belly of the H2H was re-ignited, never to be extinguished again. Really, writing those reviews with Steve is a lot of fun, and here’s to hoping Hollywood throws us some more softballs in 2009. Positively Yours, Shawn The Hemo2Homo Connection are Shawn Decker and Steve Schalchlin. The Hemo2Homo Connection’s creators met online in 1996, and posted their first movie review in 1998. Both have been living with HIV for over twenty years, and have annoyed their friends and loved ones for longer than that. Steve Schalchlin resides in Los Angeles, CA. He is an award-winning musician, singer and songwriter. Shawn Decker lives in Charlottesville, VA. He is an HIV/AIDS educator and the author of My Pet Virus. To read the Hemo2Homo Connection reviews of the Dark Knight and The Happening, simply follow the non-Rick Astley links above.
One movie I won’t be missing is the biopic of Snoop Dogg, starring Brody as the rapper. Thanks to my friend Lauren for noticing the resemblance. As for Brody, he can thank my pick for Best Supporting Actor, Robert Downey Jr., for the courage to seek out and fight for the role of Snoop.
Positively Yours,
ShawnHemo2Homo… Oscar Special!
Tonight is the Oscars. It’s always a chance for me and Steve- The Hemo2Homo Connection- to match wits and predict winners. I’ll post the results tomorrow and will try not to gloat too much when I win. Oh, and I forgot to wear my suit to this blog entry, so I’m going to turn this one over to my wiser movie-going counterpart…Steve, take it away!
BEST ACTOR: Sean Penn. No actor has ever so completely captured a real figure. Ever.
(SHAWN SAYS: “No way- Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler! It’s still real to me, dammit!”)
SUPPORTING ACTOR: Heath Ledger. No actor has ever so completely captured Dick Cheney’s persona. Ever. And, amazingly, though both are dead, one manages to crawl out of the grave and appear on Fox News every once in awhile.
(SHAWN SAYS: “Robert Downey Jr. takes it running away. He’s been legally dead seven or eight times, that’s more than Heath and Cheney combined!”)
(SHAWN SAYS: “Marisa Tomei!”)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: I’m voting for Marisa Tomei because I know she’s in this category, not the Best Actress one, unlike Thinblood. I’m also going with Tomei because of the way she stomped her foot in that movie where Herman Munster was the judge. Yes, yes, I know that performance was a different year and she already won for that movie, but I don’t care.
(SHAWN SAYS: “Give her all the awards! The best stripping performance since Showgirls!”)
MILK. MILK. MILK. MILK. And yeah, I know Slumdog is supposed to win, and I loved Slumdog even though it was a purely sentimental piece of impossibility, but then, that’s what movies are all about.
(SHAWN SAYS: “Slumdog won’t win. They would have won if the movie had centered around the gameshow The Price Is Right- a classic. Not the dated Millionaire show. Can you imagine a high stakes ending that involves Plinko?”)
Warning: Steve Spoiler Ahead!
You see, The Reader is fictional account of the stupidest woman on earth. It starts off where she (statutory) rapes a willing 15 year old naked boy (uncut!). But it’s okay because she’s a sympathetic Nazi prison guard who we’re
supposed to feel sorry for even though she was personally responsible for watching and facilitating the deaths of hundreds or thousands of human beings. Why?
Because, boo hoo, she can’t read.
So the other mean Nazi guards let her take the rap for an incident where hundreds of
Jews died in a church fire, even though she was guilty anyway. And yes, that’s the actual plot. And that piece of crap was nominated for Best Picture. Be thankful it never showed in your town, Hemo.
And the best thing you’ve ever done is turn your blog over to me, by the way.
(SHAWN SAYS: “This was a bad idea, and why am I in parenthesis? Any final statements, Steve?”)
The Dark Knight got ripped off. So did every real film lover.
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Positively Yours,
ShawnHemo2Homo Labworks
So guess whose lab results come up on my “My Pet Virus” Google Alert? None other than Steve Schalchlin, the Ebert to my Roper. Here’s what he posted on Monday, in no way colluding with me…
“Also went to see the doc… My highest t-cell count to date: 525. And a great percentage: 21%. So, I don’t know that I’d say my immune system is strengthening since these numbers go up and down all the time, but it’s clear that my health is holding its own.”
Too cool, even in t-cells Steve shows me who the boss is, besting my latest lab results by two measly t-cells! Well, he may have two more, but mine are wittier as a whole.
Since the last post kind featured the dark side of humanity, and the randomness of opening that book to the one page (of about 400 pages total) that had the word “AIDS”, I have to acknowledge the great coincidence of our Monday blogs.
When I met Steve in 1996, he was losing his battle against his pet virus. Well, his body was at least. His sense of humor was so effervescent, I had no idea how close I was to losing my new pal.
When I did get sick in 1999, Steve was one of the few people who knew just how dire my health was, combined with my “rebel without a cure” attitude. Unlike me at the time, he’d seen friends die before. “If you don’t take these drugs, you will DIE!”, he emailed me.
Some would say that us two oddballs defied the odds to live to meet one another. Maybe. All I know for sure is that we are here now, blogging about record high t-cell counts. We’re both doing well, and that’s the good news… the bad news? Looks like his hometown of Hollywood is going to have to deal with the Hemo2Homo Connection for many more years to come.
Positively Yours,
ShawnHemo2Homo Connection Looks Back
2008 was a great year for movies; mainly because it marked the dramatic return to form of the only Living-With-AIDS Movie Review duo, “The Hemo2Homo Connection”, myself and Steve Schalchlin. Recently I caught up with my wiser half to ask him a few questions about the year that was 2008.
Steve (AKA “Homo”): Milk, followed by Slumdog Millionaire. You?
Steve: Did The Happening come out in 2008?
Steve: Then The Happening.
Steve: That we are still doing it!
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