Yes, you read that right- an actor of prominence wore a red ribbon on his suit jacket at the Golden Globe Awards on Sunday night. Before I laud praise, I gotta say that it was wonderful to see one of those little suckers.  Really.  I paused the screen to inspect it, I was so excited.

Back in the 1990s, actors routinely wore red ribbons to award shows to express their solidarity with the plight of those living with HIV.  But once treatments became available to those in privileged areas of the world, the red ribbons started to disappear.  By the end of the 90s the red ribbons had gone the way of the parachute pants, deemed unworthy to enter the new millennium. So big ups to the one and only Steve Buscemi, who continued his tribute to the 90s by losing a Best Actor Award in the TV Series to Kelsey Grammer. 

If there’s ever a ribbon made for actors who lose acting awards to Grammer, I’m wearing one in your honor, Steve.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

When Gwenn and I went to pick up my HIV medications, I made a video update in the car that was intended to be a joke of sorts about how long it can take to pick up meds. Then when we got home, and I made another video about what we discovered about my medication that wasn’t so funny. Check out the videos, particularly the second one below. If you don’t like Vlogs- then here’s a spoiler: one of my drugs was in the wrong pill bottle. That’s why it’s very important for anyone who takes medication to know what their pills look like, and what they are called.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Ryan White, the AIDS educator who rose to prominence after his public battle to attend public school in the 1980′s, passed to spirit at age 18 in 1990, years before treatments were successful.  Had he lived, he would have turned 40 years old today.

We all owe this ageless icon a big thanks for all the awareness he raised in his short time with us. Ryan, you are not forgotten. (Here’s my Poz article, “Remember Ryan White”, from Sept 2010.)

Positively Yours,
Shawn

The Milton Hershey School, a private boarding school that provides an educational opportunity for disadvantaged teenagers, has denied a potential student based solely on his HIV status. A lawsuit has been filed, and the story was given legs due to the lawsuit’s timing- which was filed last week the day before World AIDS Day.

CNN picked up the story and interviewed the boy’s lawyer.

The school released a statement explaining that they have to be concerned with the health of the rest of their students, explaining that sexual activity does occur on their premises and that 1,800 students would be put at risk.  On Twitter and on Facebook, former students of Milton Hershey are coming to the school’s defense. It’s much like home team sports fans, who’s only loyalty to a team is the fact they were born in the city the team plays out of. Some of the former students responses are so short-sighted: that the school can’t be wrong because they learned there.  The most laughable thing I saw on Twitter was someone posting that everyone is stupid to be up in arms about the school’s decision, to the effect of, “It’s not just a school- students have to LIVE there!”

It’s not risky. This student is not a threat.  The school’s concern speaks volumes about their lack of sexual education on the premises. There is a fear of teenage behavior that is quite revealing, it’s almost as if they are saying that teens are out of control and it’s just too risky to have someone with HIV around.  It’s very sad.  Of course I can relate to the boy because of my own experience of being denied schooling because of my HIV status.  Even though his identity is anonymous at this point, the story is out there and I hope it’s not too traumatizing for him.

My hope is that the Milton Hershey School accepts the science of the situation and changes their position.  It would be a great learning experience for an institution that has provided such for so many.  It’s not too late- they could not only educate their current students about sexual health in the process, but also educate their former students on the virtues of compassion and the reality that we are all capable of making errors in judgement.

And correcting them.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

Tomorrow is World AIDS Day. Aside from two years ago- when I got sick while out on the road during World AIDS Week and had fly home instead of across the country- I haven’t really been home on World AIDS Day in any shape or form to enjoy it in about a decade. Today I’m about to get a plane and head off with Gwenn, and do my best to share my insights on living with HIV in the hopes of raising awareness and compassion, but tomorrow?

I’ll be home by 1 pm. And I plan to chillax. Going to go see the Muppets movie. Definitely going to have an iced mocha beforehand. I know World AIDS Day isn’t a holiday- just like living with HIV isn’t a holiday. But since I started talking about my HIV status openly, it’s become a work day for me, because it’s a small window from which many will gaze through for one day. So much information, which is always circulating, will be taken in.

But this year? I’m kicking back.

Have a safe, healthy and happy World AIDS Day!

Positively Yours,
Shawn

The crappy news of the week is that Ethan Zohn’s cancer has returned. Many of you may know Ethan from Survivor Africa, the reality show that he won a million dollars on and then used the money to start an HIV/AIDS awareness organization called Grassroot Soccer.

I blogged a bit about Ethan’s cancer diagnosis in 2009- I named him my Person of the Year that year as well. Up until then, I’d used the Person of the Year as a gag of sorts… but when Ethan was diagnosed with cancer, well, his health was all I could think about. The AIDS community has far too few heroes to lose.  Through his initial triumph due to a stem cell transplant that saw him living in a bubble, he opened up his medical ordeal to educate others about the disease.  He’s a hero to lots of people- I’ve met him several times, he’s good people and I consider him a friend.

And this week I’ve been extremely saddened by this news. I know Ethan’s a fighter- he’s a healthy guy aside from his pet cancer- and he’ll do everything he can to knock cancer back on its ass.  The process if grueling, it’s one he’s already been through and now it faces him again.  On Wednesday, he went public with the news, and Jenna posted on Twitter about it. The hashtag #GetBetterEthan was reposted by thousands of people.

As many of us know personally, health challenges can often be private affairs. Even the healthiest among us hate to admit when a cold has exerted its will.  Any reminder of our vulnerability, or even mortality, offers a knee-jerk reaction. Defiance.  At a base level, none of us want to think about our inevitable deaths.  But when we bond over our concern, and share the treatment process, the coping, the victories and the defeats, it makes us stronger as a whole.

I’m really hopeful for Ethan. I’m sending all my positoid vibes his way.  He’s been a true godsend to the AIDS community. In the grand picture, he’s given people with cancer so much inspiration… hell, in the midst of receiving all of this news about his immediate future and the impending treatments, he’s still going to run in the NYC Marathon this weekend to raise money for Grassroot Soccer. 

I just donated- I hope you consider doing the same.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

PS… “EZFC” = Ethan Zohn Fuck Cancer. :O)

Halloween has come and gone. I had a great one this year- saw my friends’ new band, Brighter Fires, have their first show at a house party that included the obligatory visit by the police. So funny, I had a can of beer in my hand and set it down when the car rolled in, even though I’m 36. I haven’t been to a house party since high school, so it was just my natural reaction.

Another highlight was helping my Goddaughter make her first jack-o-lantern, and taking her out with Gwenn and her mother to go trick-or-treating on the campus of UVa. Oh, and I also got to rewatch my favorite Halloween movie of all-time, The Monster Squad, complete with a drink I invented called “Wolfman’s Nards”, which is basically a white russian with two Lindt chocolate balls dropped into it. (Gotta see the movie to get the name of the drink.)

Anyway, November is here, but the scares for people living with HIV don’t end with the festive pagan holiday rituals.  My friend, Sonya, just blogged about an unhappy ending for a Massage Envy patron who is HIV positive.  Basically, the masseuse used rubber gloves to perform the massage. Can you imagine how awful that must have been, going in for a relaxing massage only to be reminded of your HIV status and how scared some people are to even touch you?

Here’s to hoping that this Massage Envy in Houston gets their act together.  It’s just another reason why comprehensive HIV education is needed- the issue is not just about sexual health, it’s about creating an environment that isn’t filled with panic. We’ve come a long way in 30 years, but there are still so many people who don’t have a clue about how HIV is and isn’t transmitted.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

The current issue of Poz has a compelling cover- a red ribbon with a big black “X” through it.  The cover story is written by Regan Hofmann, who astutely observes: “Having 27.3 million people with HIV globally (about 1 million of them in America) remain untreated with existing drugs that can save their lives and prevent AIDS from spreading is a humanitarian crime of epic proportion. It’s also no way to stop the AIDS pandemic.”

Amen to that.

I recently posted the following on Facebook, which garnered some inspired Likes from my Facebook friends: “I am becoming increasingly convinced that I will be cured of HIV someday… perhaps in 20 years or so. It would be nice to bid farewell to my pet virus in my 50′s. I believe in science.” Yes, I just quoted myself.  I’m used to HIV in my life- but I am more than happy to see it go.  And I view every prevention of HIV through education as a cure.  I wish I could touch people on the forehead, say a few kind words, and cure them of HIV.  But I do the next best thing- I’m open about my experiences with HIV and I give people free condoms whenever I can.

Science will undoubtedly topple this virus. In the meantime, us humans have to band together to make life easier for those who are already living with HIV while we offer our own “cures” to those who are at risk of transmitting the virus. 

Positively Yours,
Shawn

A few weeks ago I came down with the local cold, claimed victory on it too soon on this blog only to have it return with a vengeance… well, last week I had to travel to Providence for a sexual health HIV/AIDS program with Gwenn at UMass Dartmouth.  The cough kept me up the night before, but I felt well enough to travel nonetheless.

I figured it was two short flights to the hotel, then I could sleep for 4 hours before the talk. No problem, right?

At the airport in Charlottesville, as I was walking to the airplane, my ankle started to hurt like hell.  I’ve had this recurring cartilage problem, and each new step hurt worse than the previous one.  Something in my ankle had slid out of place, and the pain was excruciating.  I told Gwenn I’d be fine, but I couldn’t get to that seat on the airplane soon enough.  As we took our seats, I smiled with relief.

“Can you smile again?” Gwenn asked. The concern in her voice made me realize it wasn’t the joy on my face that she wanted to relive with a second showing on the dimple. I smiled again, and she said. “You’re mouth is bleeding…”  Two days before, I’d gone to the dentist for a routine cleaning, halfway through which I was asked, “Do you ever have problems with mouth bleeding?” “Uh, not normally… but I do have hemophilia.”  “Oh,” the clinician said, apparently having overlooked the form I filled out which stated clearly that I have a bleeding disorder.  As I sat in the airplane looking like I’d just gone on a date with Chris Brown, Gwenn wondered if we should tuck tail and live to speak another day.

I assured her I’d be fine as I dabbed a tissue at my gums.

At the airport in Philadelphia, I limped my way to the next gate, but by the time we got to Providence it was so bad that Gwenn and I commandeered a wheelchair.  I swallowed my pride a bit, and probably a little bit of blood as well, and coasted through the airport to the rental car facility.  After about a minute, I was walloping Gwenn’s leg with my travel pillow, bellowing: “Faster!… Faster!”  She thought it was funny the first five times I did it.

After a long nap, I felt much better.  The mouth was fine, the ankle was decent enough to walk to the car… once I got to the school, Gwenn dropped me off at the Student Union, and I remained seated during the whole program.  The tone of the discussion with the students of UMass was a bit more serious than usual, which tends to happen when I’m not feeling 100% healthwise.  I think it’s because it takes a lot more energy than people realize to be funny… to be on…

The most important thing is to engage people in a conversation about a topic that is difficult, which is sex.  Yes, there were laughs, but I also teared up when talking about how preventable HIV is.  It breaks my heart that people are still needlessly being diagnosed with this because we don’t properly educate them about sexual health.

After the program, we had a great dinner with Beth-Anne, the contact at the school who we met years ago when we first visited UMass Dartmouth.  As we ate, laughed, and shared stories of working with and speaking to college students, I felt so proud that I didn’t get off that plane in Charlottesville and crawl back in bed.  I knew I’d be fine, I knew that my wounds were all superficial and could be overcome.  I knew with 36 hours I’d be back home.

And when I did get back in bed I slept more soundly than I had in a week.

Positively Yours,
Shawn

For the last decade-plus, Gwenn and I have educated together as a couple dealing with HIV and, as far as I know, we’re the only hetero couple doing this on a national level.  Which seems absolutely crazy anytime I stop and think about it.

Speaking about HIV in a way that gets people to listen is what I do best.  I haven’t had many jobs in my life, a fact of which I was reminded when a friend recently mentioned the softness of my hand after a firm shake.  In many ways, despite the many medical obstacles I’ve navigated since birth (hemophilia, hepatitis B, HIV, Pac-Man Fever), I’ve had it pretty easy.  I’ve always been loved, I come from a middle class family- all the major bases have been covered.  Once I got comfortable with sharing my status at age 20, life got a lot easier because my biggest roadblock had been plowed over.

I have a way of compartmentalizing the seriousness of my own experiences with HIV, mainly because I don’t like to dwell on the rough spots.  Also, I understand that as an educator, a moderate focus on my own history is important, but the main goal is making an audience realize why sexual health is important to them.  I’m just the vessel of information.  I’ve lived through the discrimination, uncertainty and health concerns that an HIV diagnosis can bring.  And Gwenn is a vital partner in the educational message, because she has the HIV negative point of view and is proof to the success one can have when they are knowledgeable about condom use and its ability to prevent HIV infection.

I’m so proud of the work we’ve done.  But I must admit that times are slow these days.  I spend a lot of time in my hometown, when I should be out there educating, while I’m still young enough to want to travel and put myself on display.  Admittedly, I’m beginning to wonder if a return to the AIDS closet is in my cards, and that my educational contribution is solely meant to be this blog, or the random passing along of My Pet Virus.

I think sexual health should be mandatory in junior high schools.  Of course, this is coming from someone who was HIV positive in junior high school.  The disconnect of peoples’ sexual activity and how we approach education is something I’ll never quite get.  I’ve spoken at hundreds of colleges, but never once at a junior high school and only seldom at high schools.  Each time Gwenn and I have spoken at the latter, the response has been fantastic.

And that only makes it harder.  Aside from a bum ankle due to hemophilia and slight cartilage damage which may have been exacerbated by years of kicking AIDS’ ass, I’m good to go.  I’ve got t-cells and the continued desire to educate another generation of youth.  No one else is going to step up and fill the void if I just disappear into the empty glass of a consumed iced mocha.

The only question is whether or not there’s an interest in what I have to offer.

Positively Yours,
Shawn