Johnny Knoxville Interviews a Wrestler
October 8, 2008
You may remember the Great Khali, I suggested him as a potential debate substitute for Sarah Palin- who held her own- last week.
Well, good thing that the McCain camp isn’t taking my advice… because recently, Johnny Knoxville interviewed The Great Khali, and things went worse then when I interviewed Ric Flair on the telephone earlier this year. Apparently, wrestlers don’t like being asked about their penises.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Vice Presidential Debate Results
October 3, 2008
Going into last night’s debate, I wanted to get an honest, untainted opinion on who did better. Because I can’t trust MSNBC or Fox News, or even myself.
Then it came to me at lunch. As I sat there with Gwenn, my brother Kip and his family which includes a beautiful wife and two daughters (9 and six months old, respectively) it came to me: the children are the future. That cheesy song is right… they will have to live with the consequences of this election longer than I will, and they don’t even get to vote!
That’s why I turned to a new neighbor to sort this debate out. Meet My Pet Virus’ first political correspondent: Evelyn.
If you read this blog, you actually met her a couple of weeks ago in True Babies.
Evelyn is three weeks old, and I decided to watch the debate with her and monitor her responses, like those weird lifelines that float up and down the screen, representing undecided Women and Men voters, and occasionally Republicans, Democrats and Independents.
Well, all those test groups have had a lifetime of manipulating. As I watched Evelyn drool, I knew I’d found the perfect barometer to gauge the candidates. Of course, she’s too young to speak, so I made a few categories: Grunt, Cry and Smile.
With pen in hand, I awkwardly watched Evelyn as the Vice Presidential candidates met center stage… it was awkward because Evelyn was breast feeding. “Research!” I told my friend, Lauren, as she tended to her child.
Democrat Joe Biden got off to a shakey start, eliciting a scathing nipple Bite, forcing me to adjust and create a new category on the fly. That was followed by a ten-minute nap: not a good sign for the Senator from Delaware.
Evelyn woke up just in time to get her first taste of Sarah Palin, and I wondered if sexism against Joe might make Palin a more comfortable fit for the young politico?
As Palin addressed the nation, Evelyn grunted and smiled. My notion rang true, and I did not judge her, just wrote down the results like a real reporter…
Then it happened- as Sarah Palin was in mid-riff, Evelyn began to cry. Change she could believe in involved a clean diaper, and crapping her pants had evened out Joe’s sleep-inducing policy wonking.
Forty minutes in, this was anybody’s debate.
A Grunt for Joe, then a Bite for Palin, “Ouch!” Lauren screamed. Just as it seemed like this thing was Biden’s, he inspired another Grunt and his second Bite of the evening. He was trailing, and Evelyn was spent, retiring to her crib with a little less than half the debate to go: like most Americans, she’d seen enough… I set down my pen, and then, as Palin spoke Evelyn cried from afar, helping Biden narrowly escape with a draw.
I’m hoping I can tap Evelyn for the next Presidential Debate, where I’ll make sure to take note of not only her responses, but the topics that set her off. Still, overall I’m happy about this, and thus far most media sources agree with the three-week old, though I doubt Wolf Blitzer or Sean Hannity shat themselves.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Coming Out, Bailing Out
September 25, 2008
I started my week-on cycle of HIV meds on Tuesday night, which can be confusing enough as it is. I don’t need any help in being confused.
But that’s what happened when I got up for a bowl of cereal, only to discover that “Clay Aiken is Gay” was a national news story yesterday thanks to Friday’s People Magazine cover story.
I’m not going to pile on Aiken here. Nor am I going to mention his first solo album was called “Measure of a Man”. I can’t imagine how hard or terrifying it must be to have a country analyzing your sexual identity before you’ve figured it out for yourself.
OK, maybe I piled on a little. But while we are stating the obvious, here’s my pitch to People for next week’s cover…
As I polished off the last of the Raisin Bran, I also saw that Bono was going to be meeting with Sarah Palin, which all but sealed my decision to be Early 90’s Bono for Halloween.
I know, Bono does great things for the world. That’s why I’m thinking one night of Bono isn’t going to be enough. In these tough economic times, I’m thinking about doing Full Bono through the end of the year. If I can one club to book me as The Fly, I’ll have enough money to consider bringing a baby of my own into this world. (Spermwashing is expensive!)
Plus, if I can make enough money I won’t have to pull any dangerous publicity stunts to boost book sales, such as picking a fight with Erin Weed. Something I’m hoping that I can bail out on.
Speaking of bailouts, that seems to be a running theme lately, with the economic crisis of which I know so little that I am limiting my writing of such to the term “economic crisis”. Last night, McCain bailed on David Letterman to get to D.C. to handle the crisis- hilarity ensued when Letterman picked up a live feed of McCain sitting down with Katie Couric in the same building during Dave’s taping.
Check it out here.
I say everyone go ball’s out on bail outs this weekend. Well, everyone should go balls out except Jack Nicholson. We can all agree that we’ve seen enough there.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
True Blood Work
September 10, 2008
In all of my blustering about politics, I’ve realized that I kind of pulled a Bush recently, when I declared I’d finished writing my 2nd book…
Mission not accomplished on that front. And there will be no time tables for completion, either.
On the plus side, I won’t be blogging about the writing process, because that is boring. I won’t even mention “it” on here until I have a word on whether it’s going to be published. All I can say is that after a summer break from the book, I was very happy to pick it up today and I liked what I read.
Or at least the parts that didn’t, er, suck.
The timing of returning to the bloody book was perfect- today I went to the hospital to get labwork done in anticipation of Thursday’s appointment with Dr. Greg. They drained four small tubes worth of plasma, then I went to a coffee shop to refuel with an iced mocha before reading about vampires.
All in all, a really good day for a thinblood like me.
It’s after 3 a.m., and as the creatures of the night stir outside my home, I am about to add the final point to today’s vampire trifecta: I’m going to watch True Blood on Tivo. It’s the new vampire series by Alan Ball, the creator of Six Feet Under, one of my favorite TV shows… I gotta admit, I’m nervous because the previews looked cheesy. I hope it rocks like American Teen did.
I will report back soon with lab results. And whether or not True Blood tested positive or negative on the Suck-o-meter.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes! Or watch Synthetic Division discuss Rory Gilmore.
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.
Synthetic Division Snubbed at MTV Music Awards
September 8, 2008
Saturday night a synthpop duo played their hearts out in Charlottesville. Then, on Sunday night in Los Angeles, MTV gave all their awards to Britney Spears. What?
No Best Synthpop Duo. No Outstanding Thinblooded Male Vocal. Not even a Video Vanguard Award for this.
Nothing! How many other artists can get up there and tear it up with a bleeding disorder?
Despite the snub to the bleeding disorders community, the weekend could only be considered a success. The rain stopped early in the afternoon on Saturday, and a good amount of people came out to shake their booties even though they saw us last month at the Dawning benefit show. (Cool live shot by Cousin Holly!)
This time, we were at Gravity Lounge, a place that holds fond memories. Gwenn and I had our rehearsal dinner there, and I did a reading at GL last year for the Festival of the Book. But this time? My only purpose at Gravity was to bring the rock.
The show was originally to be headlined by Girlfriend in a Coma, but the Smiths cover band broke up a couple of weeks before the gig… just like the original band! Still, the night was salvaged- Brad Savage from The Corner 106.1 spun 80’s and early 90’s tunes in between two Synthetic Division sets… the highlight of the evening? Watching Gwenn dance to Prince’s “Pussy Control”.
The day or so after a gig, I’m always limping around. Sometimes I’ll take a nasal hit of Stimate, a clotting agent, before a show, because I have so much fun on stage hopping around like an idiot with the proper amount of clotting factor. If Synthetic Division ever toured, I’d have to tone the antics down. But, at one gig a month, I think I can handle the fleeting discomfort.
In a long overdue move, on Saturday night Synthetic Division did a Depeche Mode cover, programmed by JDavyd Williams, who works with Marshall in another C’ville dynamic duo, Tacit Act. If you are on Facebook, check out a video of us performing the Depeche classic from 1981, “Photographic”, recorded by Stephanie DePaolis, who ironically has taken lots of photos at Synthetic Division shows… thanks, Steph!
If you’re not on Facebook, I’ll try to get an embed on the next blog.
Hope everyone else had a picture perfect weekend.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes!
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.
The Closing Ceremonies of the Olympics
August 25, 2008
The Olympics are over and I am spent from having watched. TiVo, God bless his heart, was pushed to his limits, recording up to three six-hour plus blocks of badminton, boxing and my new favorite: BMX.
The Closing Ceremonies blew the final whistle on the event. There was dancing. Flying. Fire. And Smiling. They say that the reason for the big gala is to bring all the athletes together as human beings and not competitors. Here’s a photo from the jaw-dropping spectacle:
I think the closing ceremonies has more to do with warding off an alien invasion than anything else. Is it completely out there to think that could be the entire reason for the games themselves? What other ways are there to show other planets how much ass we can kick? Perhaps the multi-million dollar closer is just to show that we are not only a planet of gifted athletes, but unhinged weirdos as well.
Something to think about…
Positively Yours,
Shawn
The American Athlete of the Week
August 18, 2008
Gwenn and I have been Tivo’ing and consuming the Olympics at a record pace, which should be an Olympic sport in and of itself. We don’t waste time on water polo, basketball, baseball or runs that last longer than 30 seconds.
Among our favorite sports? The trampoline, swimming, women’s beach volleyball, the man-made white water rafting (waiting for King’s Dominion to get that) and gymnastics. “That’s an Olympic sport?”, is a common phrase, and the more random the better. As much as I love writing and HIV education, I have to admit that if they ever give Bocce Ball the greenlight I may be forced to rededicate my life.
It’s been fun watching, and so much has happened in the last seven days; historic events and incredible displays of physical prowess. Inspired by the spirit of the games, I felt the urge to give an Athlete of the Week honor to the one person whom I thought shined the brightest.
Of course the obvious- Michael Phelps- is out. He won a lot of Gold, I’ll give him that, but the media created a monster by cutting from the Gold medal swimming victories of his buddies to a shot of Phelps receiving an ass massage… Really happened!
It’s not his fault. He seems like a good kid and he is a phenom, but all the attention cost him this bragging right.
Aside from the disqualified Phelps, there’s the gymnastic dynamo, Nastia Liukin, who won a Gold in the All-Around Competition with ice in her veins and fire in her eyes. And then there’s Daria Torres, the Silver medalist who defied the odds by competing at the highest levels at the age of 41. Still, as bright as all the Olypians accomplishments were, one man stood head, hat and shoulders above the rest.
None other than The Undertaker.
No stranger to Gold himself, the six-time World Champion, The Undertaker returned to professional wrestling after a three month hiatus yesterday at SummerSlam where competed against former WWE Champion and chief rival/antagonist, Edge. After taking no less than 5 steel chair shots to the head, The Undertaker prevailed in the Hell-in-a-Cell cage match, delivering his icon finishing maneuver, the Tombstone piledriver.
It was an incredible comeback for the only man to go 16-0 at the yearly event, Wrestlemania, a feat that will be remembered long after that flash-in-the-pan kid in the pool from Beijing has been forgotten.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes!
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.
Hemo2Homo Connection: The Dark Knight Review
August 15, 2008
Homo: Hemo, since it’s taken you three weeks to see the movie, I’d like to elaborate on why I went on opening weekend. (And yes, reader, hemo is the reason this is so late).
Homo: Exactly. So, I’m amazed at how good The Dark Knight is on every level. Heath Ledger’s Joker has already become iconic. I still live with the vivid image of him in that nurse’s outfit, dancing in the parking lot of the hospital, pushing those buttons. It’s indelible.
Homo: Are you kidding? I’d PAY to see that. And the relief is that his actual death has nothing to do with the enjoyment of his performance, assuming one can truly “enjoy” watching a complete psychopath. He’s so different from “Brokeback” where he was so totally authentic as a tight-jawed cowboy.
Patient adherence under Dr. Joker rose by 317%
Homo: A wrestler? You sat through this entire movie and the only thing that caught your attention was some old wrestler from 1989 who once starred in a movie with Hulk Hogan?
I really think they are setting him up as the next super villain. Zeus was only a nice guy in The Dark Knight to lull the audience into a false sense of security for the next time. It’s a classic wrestling swerve-job, Homo.
Homo: Well, the first thing I’d like you to do is to do what normal movie reviewers do. See the movie early enough that you’re one of the first to be talking about it.
Homo: Either way it doesn’t matter: everyone has talked it to death, even the sorta “bad” parts, like Batman’s raspy voice processing or the way The Joker managed to attract hordes of followers even though he killed everyone who ever worked for him.
Hemo: What? What??
Homo: As much as it pains me, I just realized that you’re a genius. By focusing on Zeus, we’re the only reviewers to introduce a totally unique perspective on the movie!
The Hemo2Homo Connection are Shawn Decker and Steve Schalchlin.
The Hemo2Homo Connection’s creators met online in 1996, and posted their first movie review in 1998. Both have been living with HIV for over twenty years, and have annoyed their friends and loved ones for longer than that.
Steve Schalchlin resides in Los Angeles, CA. He is an award-winning musician, singer and songwriter. Shawn Decker lives in Charlottesville, VA. He is an HIV/AIDS educator and the author of My Pet Virus.
Why I Love the Olympics
August 11, 2008
My last fake outrage post about the Olympics has been haunting me- especially since I’ve been watching the Games every night before I go to bed.
How can you not cheer for that swimming dude who has inspired a nation to believe? No, not Phelps- I’m referencing the Korean swimmer, Park-Tae-hwan, who, at the age of 14, was disqualified in the 2004 games when he lost his balance and fell into the pool. He didn’t even get to race! Well, he ate nothing but glass for four years and came back to win Korea’s first Gold Medal in swimming this year… triumph!
And what the controversy over China’s female gymnastics team? Everyone is so worried about whether they are 16, that no one has bothered to test them for steroids… brilliant strategy!
Is this athlete… juicing?
Speaking of strategies, the International AIDS Conference has wrapped up, and AIDSmeds.com has the information hook-up. Also, fellow Poz bloggers Regan and Paul weren’t sitting on their asses watching the Olympics, they were there. So swing by their blogs to get their take on the conference.
Actually, this weekend I didn’t sit on my ass the whole time. I’m limping around, actually. Not because I was inspired to give the uneven bars a go, but because I played a Synthetic Division show… will be blogging and posting some photos soon… as well as the Hemo2Homo Connection review of Batman!
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes!
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.
Why I Hate the Olympics
August 6, 2008
Every four years the greatest athletes of the world gather to compete for gold and glory. The way I see it, they are just rubbing my bleeding disorder in my face.
“Hey, look at me! I can do flips and land on my feet- no knee hemorrhages!”
“Look at this! I’m launching myself through the air with this sharp pole. If I land on it? No problem, that’s what band-aides are for!”
Ironically, the only athletes that make me think a thinblood has a chance at the Olympics are the boxers, who have to wear that ridiculous looking headgear….
OK, maybe not, unless the cornermen are allowed to inject their boxers with clotting factor.
Wait, what about the swimmers? I haven’t swam regularly since I was 12, but I have a pool pass to the Holiday Inn via my Cold’s Gym membership. Of course, I’d have to start training now, which means I’d be 37 the next time the games roll around… which is just enough time to rally the bleeding disorders community!
If we can get Marco Polo added to the games, then we can grab the gold in 2012.
“Marco?”
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes!
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.