A Positoid’s Tribute to E.R.
November 19, 2008
I can’t take any pills for the kind of lingering cough I have right now, so my only prescription is some herbal remedies and an excessive amount of E.R. episodes.
For those who don’t know, E.R. is a television show about a hospital in Chicago called County General. New interns unwittingly enter, believing they will learn what it takes to become successful doctors. Those who have been around keep the dark secret of County General under wraps, never telling the newcomers that the place was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Hoping they will take over so that they the elder doctors can move on.
Somehow the spirits never fully tip their hand to the interns, even when a helicopter lops off a doctor’s arm. Then, the same doctor perishes a couple of seasons later when a helicopter crashes down on him. I don’t know about you, but I’d be putting in for my transfer after that.
But no, the young would-be doctors stay, and over the years they meet their gruesome demises, one by one, as the rest of the E.R. hopes to accomplish the ultimate in medical miracles, to cure the ancient spirits of their insatiable bloodlust.
In the last week, Gwenn and I have cleaned out our TiVo, speeding through commerical breaks for last year’s hottest Christmas items, then hitting Valentine’s Day ads, and now, finally, we’re up to McCain and Obama ads.
The series ends in February, a dark day for thinbloods who have long enjoyed the bloodiest show to ever hit network television. I was looking for a complilation of the show’s most violent moments, but only found sappy tributes to Luka and Abby’s love story. I did find the original opening credits…
I started watching the show with Gwenn shortly after we moved in together in 1999. When it first aired in 1994, I was in a totally different place, living in Waynesboro with my parents.
Fresh out of high school, and two years away from speaking out about my HIV status. I was wondering how much my recent hepatitis C infection (found out in the summer of 1994 that I’d been infected by a recent blood product treatment, deemed to be “cleared” of the virus in 2005) would affect my health. So, when my mom became obsessed with this new show, I asked the obvious question.
“Haven’t you seen enough hospital drama in your lifetime?”
I didn’t get it.
But now, after a decade of watching it, I do. The show makes everyones’ medical dramas pale in comparison. People with HIV, diabetes, cancer and whatever else ails us as humans can tune in every week, and somehow feel better about ourselves after watching an episode. As doctors arms are lopped off, when grab a handful of popcorn. When a maniac enters the E.R. and starts shooting up the place, that missed attempt by an intern to find a vein doesn’t seem so bad. By the end of every episode, there you are,thanking your lucky stars that you don’t have it that bad.
And really, what more can you ask for from a T.V. show? E.R., you will be missed.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
LemonAIDS
November 14, 2008
How does the joke go? When God gives you AIDS, take lemon shots?
Well, God may not have given me AIDS, but he sure saddled me down with whatever gunk is going around. The coughing, the just feeling blah. In an effort to turn the tide today, I did three lemon shots.
What sucks about the timing is that I’ve had trouble writing this week. After a couple of days of trying, I found that my body needed to just chill out, and my mind was starting to turn on me a bit. So, instead of screwing up things, I figured I’d kick back and give myself the best chance of getting better.
What’s good about the timing is that Gwenn and I aren’t traveling for another week and a half. So I can veg out, even if I miss my Twilight deadline… All I can say now is Thank God for TiVo. I’ve been watching some ER from April- seriously backlogued there- and my new favorite show of all-time, Scare Tactics. If you haven’t seen this, you have to check out this clip from one of VH1’s myriad of countdown shows…
Aside from lemon shots and practical jokes, I’m ingesting a lot of stories about HIV. Like the guy in Germany who had a bone marrow transplant, which has apparently cured him of HIV. Here’s a story that says it’s too grueling and expensive a procedure to be considered as a “cure all”. The link above claims that bone marrow transplants are a last stage effort that kills 30% of cancer patients who undergo the procedure, but the hope is that there’s a scientific clue, something there to be exploited and pursued further.
For now, I’m pretty sure that lemon shots don’t kill people with colds/gunk. Day two of the tangy treatment begins tomorrow. I hope to report back.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
With Teeth: The Barney Story
November 7, 2008
One of the most influential musicians for me was Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails.
In high school, when I got my first copy of his first album, Pretty Hate Machine, I couldn’t believe that one person, and one person alone was responsible for the music. It was the first time that it clicked in my head that I could make music for myself, and not have to rely on other musicians when I had my own “machines” at my disposal.
Of course, it took years and some tutoring from other synth enthusiasts to figure the damn things out. It also took speaking out about my HIV status at 20 to get the nerve to sing in public, but not acknowledging Trent’s influence would be a major oversight.
I haven’t been a loyal NIN’er over the last decade or so, though I did buy his latest album, the one he was giving away for free. I know too many poor musicians to take him up on the offer, plus, I had to pay for being an absentee fan for so long.
Also, when I heard that his was coming to Charlottesville, the day after the election, I figured I’d buy the Rage Insurance, just in case things didn’t go the way I hoped it would.
Here’s an example of what Trent gave, those offended by curse words should not view. (It’s “Closer”, the “I want to *$#@ you like an animal” song)
That’s not me yelling like a fool, by the way, I just found this clip on YouTube. No way I’d go on the floor, I am fragile. Oh, speaking of fragile, I’ve gotten many messages asking about my well-being, seems that people heard that a Decker was bitten by Barney.
That was Jon Decker, not Shawn Decker. Also, it was Barney, the First Dog, and not Barney the big purple dinosaur. Here’s the video of a reporter who got too close to the action.
Man, I’d be so rich if Barney the Dinosaur bit me. Can you imagine? The question is, would a thinblood survive the attack to cash in with the lawsuit? I, for one, wouldn’t want to take that chance.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Scary Real-Life Halloween Story
October 31, 2008
From the Canadian Press: Saskatchewan investigating after hospital found to be reusing syringes.
It’s a terrifying article, but don’t make the mistake I did when first reading this. I thought it said “Sasquatch investigating after hospital”. Come to think of it, any hospital that reuses syringes should have to answer to this guy.
Positively Yours,
ArrrrAAARGHAGH!
Vote For My Cousin
October 16, 2008
You’ve heard all about my Make-A-Wish Foundation meeting with Depeche Mode as a young teen. Well, you may not know that I also have a cousin with hemophilia, too.
He didn’t get a Wish, because thankfully he was born a decade after me and missed the HIV blood contamination window. That’s good news, but I still feel guilty that I’m the only person in my family to get a wish, and I want to change that… but here’s the swerve: I’m not writing about my thinblooded cousin. Actually, it’s that cousin’s thickblooded big brother, Jeremy.
Jeremy, my cousin. Click to vote!
He has a very special wish- he wants to be cast in Daisy of Love, the spinoff of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. If you’re a reality TV junkie, you may remember Daisy. If not, here she is. (Click to see a YouTube video. She talks with her hands.)
Daisy seems nice, I think she would get along famously with my cousin. Make Jeremy’s wish come true. This isn’t partisan, we can all come together around this young man’s dream to find love.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Johnny Knoxville Interviews a Wrestler
October 8, 2008
You may remember the Great Khali, I suggested him as a potential debate substitute for Sarah Palin- who held her own- last week.
Well, good thing that the McCain camp isn’t taking my advice… because recently, Johnny Knoxville interviewed The Great Khali, and things went worse then when I interviewed Ric Flair on the telephone earlier this year. Apparently, wrestlers don’t like being asked about their penises.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Vice Presidential Debate Results
October 3, 2008
Going into last night’s debate, I wanted to get an honest, untainted opinion on who did better. Because I can’t trust MSNBC or Fox News, or even myself.
Then it came to me at lunch. As I sat there with Gwenn, my brother Kip and his family which includes a beautiful wife and two daughters (9 and six months old, respectively) it came to me: the children are the future. That cheesy song is right… they will have to live with the consequences of this election longer than I will, and they don’t even get to vote!
That’s why I turned to a new neighbor to sort this debate out. Meet My Pet Virus’ first political correspondent: Evelyn.
If you read this blog, you actually met her a couple of weeks ago in True Babies.
Evelyn is three weeks old, and I decided to watch the debate with her and monitor her responses, like those weird lifelines that float up and down the screen, representing undecided Women and Men voters, and occasionally Republicans, Democrats and Independents.
Well, all those test groups have had a lifetime of manipulating. As I watched Evelyn drool, I knew I’d found the perfect barometer to gauge the candidates. Of course, she’s too young to speak, so I made a few categories: Grunt, Cry and Smile.
With pen in hand, I awkwardly watched Evelyn as the Vice Presidential candidates met center stage… it was awkward because Evelyn was breast feeding. “Research!” I told my friend, Lauren, as she tended to her child.
Democrat Joe Biden got off to a shakey start, eliciting a scathing nipple Bite, forcing me to adjust and create a new category on the fly. That was followed by a ten-minute nap: not a good sign for the Senator from Delaware.
Evelyn woke up just in time to get her first taste of Sarah Palin, and I wondered if sexism against Joe might make Palin a more comfortable fit for the young politico?
As Palin addressed the nation, Evelyn grunted and smiled. My notion rang true, and I did not judge her, just wrote down the results like a real reporter…
Then it happened- as Sarah Palin was in mid-riff, Evelyn began to cry. Change she could believe in involved a clean diaper, and crapping her pants had evened out Joe’s sleep-inducing policy wonking.
Forty minutes in, this was anybody’s debate.
A Grunt for Joe, then a Bite for Palin, “Ouch!” Lauren screamed. Just as it seemed like this thing was Biden’s, he inspired another Grunt and his second Bite of the evening. He was trailing, and Evelyn was spent, retiring to her crib with a little less than half the debate to go: like most Americans, she’d seen enough… I set down my pen, and then, as Palin spoke Evelyn cried from afar, helping Biden narrowly escape with a draw.
I’m hoping I can tap Evelyn for the next Presidential Debate, where I’ll make sure to take note of not only her responses, but the topics that set her off. Still, overall I’m happy about this, and thus far most media sources agree with the three-week old, though I doubt Wolf Blitzer or Sean Hannity shat themselves.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Coming Out, Bailing Out
September 25, 2008
I started my week-on cycle of HIV meds on Tuesday night, which can be confusing enough as it is. I don’t need any help in being confused.
But that’s what happened when I got up for a bowl of cereal, only to discover that “Clay Aiken is Gay” was a national news story yesterday thanks to Friday’s People Magazine cover story.
I’m not going to pile on Aiken here. Nor am I going to mention his first solo album was called “Measure of a Man”. I can’t imagine how hard or terrifying it must be to have a country analyzing your sexual identity before you’ve figured it out for yourself.
OK, maybe I piled on a little. But while we are stating the obvious, here’s my pitch to People for next week’s cover…
As I polished off the last of the Raisin Bran, I also saw that Bono was going to be meeting with Sarah Palin, which all but sealed my decision to be Early 90’s Bono for Halloween.
I know, Bono does great things for the world. That’s why I’m thinking one night of Bono isn’t going to be enough. In these tough economic times, I’m thinking about doing Full Bono through the end of the year. If I can one club to book me as The Fly, I’ll have enough money to consider bringing a baby of my own into this world. (Spermwashing is expensive!)
Plus, if I can make enough money I won’t have to pull any dangerous publicity stunts to boost book sales, such as picking a fight with Erin Weed. Something I’m hoping that I can bail out on.
Speaking of bailouts, that seems to be a running theme lately, with the economic crisis of which I know so little that I am limiting my writing of such to the term “economic crisis”. Last night, McCain bailed on David Letterman to get to D.C. to handle the crisis- hilarity ensued when Letterman picked up a live feed of McCain sitting down with Katie Couric in the same building during Dave’s taping.
Check it out here.
I say everyone go ball’s out on bail outs this weekend. Well, everyone should go balls out except Jack Nicholson. We can all agree that we’ve seen enough there.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
True Blood Work
September 10, 2008
In all of my blustering about politics, I’ve realized that I kind of pulled a Bush recently, when I declared I’d finished writing my 2nd book…
Mission not accomplished on that front. And there will be no time tables for completion, either.
On the plus side, I won’t be blogging about the writing process, because that is boring. I won’t even mention “it” on here until I have a word on whether it’s going to be published. All I can say is that after a summer break from the book, I was very happy to pick it up today and I liked what I read.
Or at least the parts that didn’t, er, suck.
The timing of returning to the bloody book was perfect- today I went to the hospital to get labwork done in anticipation of Thursday’s appointment with Dr. Greg. They drained four small tubes worth of plasma, then I went to a coffee shop to refuel with an iced mocha before reading about vampires.
All in all, a really good day for a thinblood like me.
It’s after 3 a.m., and as the creatures of the night stir outside my home, I am about to add the final point to today’s vampire trifecta: I’m going to watch True Blood on Tivo. It’s the new vampire series by Alan Ball, the creator of Six Feet Under, one of my favorite TV shows… I gotta admit, I’m nervous because the previews looked cheesy. I hope it rocks like American Teen did.
I will report back soon with lab results. And whether or not True Blood tested positive or negative on the Suck-o-meter.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes! Or watch Synthetic Division discuss Rory Gilmore.
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.
Synthetic Division Snubbed at MTV Music Awards
September 8, 2008
Saturday night a synthpop duo played their hearts out in Charlottesville. Then, on Sunday night in Los Angeles, MTV gave all their awards to Britney Spears. What?
No Best Synthpop Duo. No Outstanding Thinblooded Male Vocal. Not even a Video Vanguard Award for this.
Nothing! How many other artists can get up there and tear it up with a bleeding disorder?
Despite the snub to the bleeding disorders community, the weekend could only be considered a success. The rain stopped early in the afternoon on Saturday, and a good amount of people came out to shake their booties even though they saw us last month at the Dawning benefit show. (Cool live shot by Cousin Holly!)
This time, we were at Gravity Lounge, a place that holds fond memories. Gwenn and I had our rehearsal dinner there, and I did a reading at GL last year for the Festival of the Book. But this time? My only purpose at Gravity was to bring the rock.
The show was originally to be headlined by Girlfriend in a Coma, but the Smiths cover band broke up a couple of weeks before the gig… just like the original band! Still, the night was salvaged- Brad Savage from The Corner 106.1 spun 80’s and early 90’s tunes in between two Synthetic Division sets… the highlight of the evening? Watching Gwenn dance to Prince’s “Pussy Control”.
The day or so after a gig, I’m always limping around. Sometimes I’ll take a nasal hit of Stimate, a clotting agent, before a show, because I have so much fun on stage hopping around like an idiot with the proper amount of clotting factor. If Synthetic Division ever toured, I’d have to tone the antics down. But, at one gig a month, I think I can handle the fleeting discomfort.
In a long overdue move, on Saturday night Synthetic Division did a Depeche Mode cover, programmed by JDavyd Williams, who works with Marshall in another C’ville dynamic duo, Tacit Act. If you are on Facebook, check out a video of us performing the Depeche classic from 1981, “Photographic”, recorded by Stephanie DePaolis, who ironically has taken lots of photos at Synthetic Division shows… thanks, Steph!
If you’re not on Facebook, I’ll try to get an embed on the next blog.
Hope everyone else had a picture perfect weekend.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my memoir, My Pet Virus, and click to read a sample. Video of reviews.
Give a listen to "Sign", one of my songs from Synthetic Division’s Get with the Programs (co-written with Kyle Wiggins):
Get the song here on iTunes!
Be sure to visit ShawnandGwenn.com, where you can see clips of our educational work at colleges and universities, as well as media clips from MTV safe sex programming and a Dr. Drew talk show. 2006 video of me and Gwenn, when I was finishing up My Pet Virus.
Haven’t seen a real blog in a day or so? Follow my cellphone micro-blogging at Twitter.com.