Astrology and Cancers
June 28, 2011
I’ve had a long-running joke about my cosmic placement in the universe, and how I was destined for medical drama due to my horoscope sign- Cancer- having the same name as a killer disease. A syndicated horoscope called Free Will Astrology provides Gwenn and I with weekly entertainment at the coffee shop, and this week Rob Brezsny acknowledged my longtime concerns about my sign.
He said:
“A while back I asked my readers to propose a new name for your astrological sign. “Cancer” has a bit of a negative connotation, after all. Many people suggested “Dolphin” as a replacement, which I like. But the two ideas that most captivated my imagination were “Gateway” and “Fount.” I probably won’t be able to convince the astrological community to permanently adopt either of these uplifting designations, but I encourage you to try out them out to see how they feel. This is a good time to experiment: For the next 12 months, you will have substantial potential to embody the highest meanings of both “Gateway” and “Fount.”
Recently, I’ve been thinking of my long-term goal to outlive the HIV in my body, and I’m becoming more and more convinced of my chances. Once I do so, perhaps I will make it my mission to rename my horoscope sign, in the same way I christened myself a “positoid” over “a person with AIDS”, or a “thinblood” over “hemophiliac”. I’m pretty sure I’m up to the task. Say what you will about horoscopes, but I love to read the advice, and do relate to the symbol for Cancers, which is a crab.
Recently you may have noticed that my blog hasn’t been updated quite as regularly as usual; it’s because I’ve been in my crab shell, just peeking out and keeping loose tabs on the world around me.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Things To Do Today If You’re HIV Positive
June 27, 2011
Today is National HIV Testing Day. It’s an important thing to know your status, and it’s good that we have a day to remind people that testing is available, and it’s quick and easy. (Testing locations and info on HIV testing can be found here.) But what if you’re like me, and you’re already HIV positive? What are we supposed to do on National HIV Testing Day?
I’ve rattled my brain to come up with ways to entertain myself and, perhaps, offer you ways to do so as well if an HIV test isn’t a proper use of your time because you know you’re HIV positive. I guess you follow my advice if you’re HIV negative too, and have recently been tested.
Either way, enjoy!
1. Test the Patience of Your Friends
Make sure that every conversation with your friends involves your HIV status on National HIV Testing Day. Offer to have lunch with friends, and interrupt every topic with how bummed you are that your status is not undetermined and you don’t get to go out and get tested like everyone else is doing. Make your friends feel shamed if they haven’t been tested recently. When the bill comes, excuse yourself to the bathroom. You shouldn’t have to pay for a lunch you’ve just ruined for everyone else.
2. Make Your Friends Watch the Movie Rent
Good musicals make for bad movies. But don’t let your friends know this. Tell them you’d really appreciate it if they’d watch Rent with you to help you get through “the difficult day”. Try to keep a straight face during the movie, especially the part where the guy is singing and riding the motorcycle in front of a green screen. This will be the most difficult part of your day.
3. Listen to The Cure’s Disintegration, From Beginning to End
The next best thing to a cure for HIV is the Cure’s 1989 epic masterpiece Disintegration. Is it a bit of bummer? Yes.
4. Find the Movie “Rubber”
Using condoms properly is a staple of living with HIV, so this “Rubber” movie must be a documentary on the history of safe sex, right? No. It’s about a tire that kills people. Seriously. I haven’t seen this movie yet, but it looks incredible. If you beat me to it, be sure to let me know what you think about it. Here’s the trailer if you have any doubts.
No matter what your status is, I hope you are comfortable in your own skin, and that you had a great day… whether you put any of my wonderful ideas to use or not.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Happy Godfather’s Day
June 20, 2011
I’m a proud Godfather to a 2-and-three-quarters year old. Her name is Evie. Her mom, Lauren, is one of my best friends. On the day that Evie was born, I drove at a moderate-to-brisk-pace in front of Lauren and Gwenn with my hazard lights on as we all headed to the hospital. Later, as Evie learned to walk, I was the typical hemophiliac in the room: “Be careful, Evie! Watch out for that table!”
It’s been a tremendous joy to be a trusted male in her life. She calls me “my Shawn”. I call her “my little buddy”, and about fifty other nicknames, some of which stick while others float off into the cosmos. One of my proudest moments was teaching her the high-five, which she now uses with expert precision. So when Lauren asked if I’d be interested in joining Evie for a Father’s Day Weekend picnic at her school last Friday, I jumped at the chance to have some watermelon slices and bagels at 9 am with my little buddy.
It was a great morning.
As our friendship continues, I’ll do my best to teach her all the lessons I’ve learned along the way, while making sure that she doesn’t experience every possible bump and bruise out there. Sure, she has the proper amount of clotting factor, but that doesn’t mean she has to put it to use. :O)
Positively,
Evie’s Shawn
Coolest Thing Ever Written About Us (by Charlotte Martin)
June 17, 2011
So Gwenn and I have been out as a sero-diverse couple for over a decade now. Safer sex with a smile and trying to enlighten people that positoids, people with HIV, can have a healthy relationship is at the top of our list of goals. As a result of being out there, we’ve had more than a few articles written about us.
On the best side of things, our message is understood, and shared beyond what our capabilities to reach people are, such as when Poz profiled us back when My Pet Virus was published, or when CNN.com did a story for World AIDS Day a few years back. The worst case was a British tabloid that chose the tag line: “SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND COULD KILL ME!” When they published that fictitious quote from Gwenn, I could have killed them.
Anyway, as everyone knows I love nothing more than a tall, cool iced mocha. I really enjoy my coffee shop dates with Gwenn. We’ve gotten quite friendly with a lot of the baristas in town, some of whom know a lot about our work and others who know very little. So I was really touched when Charlotte, a cool barista at Shenandoah Joe, wrote about us on her Tumblr page, A Heart Like Mine.
I’m posting this because lately I’ve felt so burnt out on AIDS. I receive so much encouragement about the work that Gwenn and I do, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that 24 years of being diagnosed with HIV- and spending the last 15 years talking and writing about it- is wearing on me. I do the best I can to stay motivated and mocha’d. Big thanks to Charlotte for handling both sides of that.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
———-
blog post by Charlotte Martin
I know this great couple who have been on the list of my top favorite customers at SJ for my entire employment there (a very long time). They are the ones who keep me sane a little bit. They have all the qualities of FCM (Favorite Customer Material): they don’t take themselves seriously, they get coffee to stay, they dress uniquely, they are smiley, they give a shit (constant theme of people I like), they make good jokes, they understand, and they aren’t like everyone else.
Shawn and Gwenn are great. I really like them even though I don’t know them that well. Shawn is slightly goth, has hipster glasses, great graphic t-shirts, and a disarming smile. Gwenn is very much a woman. She always looks fashionable without belonging to one sort of genre of clothing. They’re married and Shawn is HIV postive. They travel around the country on a regular basis raising awareness about their relationship, safe sex, and the realities of the controversial illnesses that are HIV and AIDS. Shawn has also written a book which I recently read called My Pet Virus. The book pretty much changed my life a little bit.
In his book, Shawn talks about what it was like growing up with a disease that he acquired from tainted blood products. Growing up during a time when ignorance about HIV/AIDS was more widespread and deathly than the disease itself, Shawn found himself getting kicked out of school for being HIV positive. Consequently, he became very secretive about his condition during his grade school years. Upon graduating high school, he decided to come clean about his secret on the world wide web by creating a website called My Pet Virus.
What I love about Shawn’s life is that the best thing he ever did was come clean. His life helps other people. When he and Gwenn go to high schools and colleges to talk about these issues, people become knowledgeable, less ignorant, less afraid of these things: sex, STDs, and AIDS. It is necessary and vital that people be educated about this. AIDS is a huge epidemic that a great deal of the world faces. There are still people who point the finger and force shame on those who don’t deserve it. Shawn’s hilarious and forgiving perspective about his condition brings great things to people and schools in the US.
I also love that Shawn and Gwenn’s life is not normal in any way. They aren’t your normal run-of-the-mill couple who went to college, got engaged, had a nice American wedding, and lived happily ever after with their 9-5 jobs, picket fence, and kids. Shawn didn’t go to college. He blogged and wrote music instead. Gwenn was the one who proposed. Their wedding was far from “normal,” their job is more of a travel log, full of late nights, and iced mochas. As for their picket fence and kids? To quote Gwenn’s words: “I have no maternal instincts.”
I LOVE THIS COUPLE.
I love that they don’t hide. I love that a potential secret that could have made them fearful and quiet, instead has made them live life to the fullest, enjoy their coffee to stay, talk loudly and proudly about sex and HIV, and be the confident, kind, and quirky people they are.
I wanna be like them.
-C
Tracy Morgan’s Dad Had HIV
June 15, 2011
Usually when someone apologizes for a public/personal misstep, the only thing that comes across is that they are sorry they got caught. On Monday I blogged about Tracy Morgan’s homophobic rant at one of his stand-up gigs earlier this month. In the last couple of weeks the story got major legs- he was chastised by his 30 Rock co-star Tina Fey and the rant was retweeted and reposted ad nauseam…
Shortly afterward I received a comment that my linking his story with HIV was a stretch. When I posted the blog entry, I had no idea just how close HIV hit the Morgan home. Here is Tracy’s statement:
“I know how bad bullying can hurt,” he said. “I was bullied when I was a kid. I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I never want to use my comedy to hurt anyone. My family knew what it was like to feel different. My brother was disabled, and I lost my father to AIDS in 1987. My dad wasn’t gay but I also learned about homophobia then because of how people treated people who were sick with that.
“Parents should support and love their kids no matter what. Gay people deserve the same right to be happy in this country as everyone else. Our laws should support that. I hope that my fans gay, straight, whatever forgive, and I hope my family forgives me for this.”
————–
Since the rant, it’s come out that Tracy’s had a history of anti-gay remarks. Now, he’s talking to GLAAD and will be working with them on ads targeted at the entire issue of bullying as it pertains to the gay community. Is it a wise career move? Undoubtedly. But I’m glad he opened up about his personal connection to HIV, and revisited how his own family was made to feel less than human as a result.
Either way, here’s to hoping his homophobic history is, well, history.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Tracy Morgan’s “Scare Tactics” and HIV
June 13, 2011
In early June, during one of his stand-up comedy routines in Nashville, Tracy Morgan made some anti-gay remarks that didn’t come across as a laughing matter. During what has been described as a rant, Morgan said he would kill his son if he learned he was gay. The punchline, I guess, involves the visual of Tracy repeatedly punching his son to death with his fists.
I’m not surprised to learn that a funnyman is uncomfortable with gay people. I’m not surprised when any famous, rich or connected person does something stupid. Morgan has apologized, and he is still feeling the backlash of his night in Nashville. My perspective of the whole thing is that Tracy, as a black comedian, let loose some deep feelings on homophobia that has ravaged the black community. Homophobia puts people at risk for HIV infection.
Think about it. Some young black kid hears violent remarks from friends and family for years. When he comes out to himself, privately, and then begins to have sexual relationships, that homophobia that keeps him closeted tinges each sexual encounter with shame. A sexual encounter that is shameful is more likely to be one that is unprotected- how can you ask a partner to put on a condom if, in the back of your mind, you’re worried that if your dad found out you were even gay, he might kill your ass?
Is Tracy Morgan is spokesperson for the black community? Absolutely not. Did some of the sentiments behind his words shed some light on why HIV/AIDS has been such a terror in the black community?
Absolutely.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
The “Ready to Live” Music Video Shoot
June 9, 2011
Last Monday Gwenn, two friends (thanks Sara and Ben for coming along!) and I hit the road for the two-hour drive to DC to participate in an HIV/AIDS anti-stigma music video. The day went very smoothly outside of the fact that Gwenn was feeling a bit under the weather… it really sucks to feel bad and have to travel.
Why did we have to? The director, Monte Montgomery, wrote us into the script of the video shoot to have us represent what we are: a sero diverse couple. The concept of the video was that HIV status shouldn’t keep you from participating in, and enjoying, life. The name of the song is “Ready to Live”, a very inspirational little tune. Caressa Cameron, Miss America 2010, was on hand to sing the main verses of the song, and was backed up by a live band, and a few vocalists singing in both Spanish and English. (With a rap included- this song casts a wide net.)
In the video, each member of a flash choir reveals their HIV status. It’s done in such a care-free way, one of the goals of the video is to help people with HIV make peace with their status. I love any public service announcement about HIV that takes the feelings of those who are positive truly into account, and it’s why I agreed to be a part of it. After talking to Monte, and seeing his work, I knew his heart was in the right place. And on Monday, his crew made the day look effortless, taking all of the volunteers comfort levels into account by providing meals and a place to sit indoors until filming started.
It reminded me of the opposite experience I had years ago, when I was part of a television program in London. Several people with HIV- of vastly different levels of health- were gathered for a group interview, and over the course of two days of filming there were moments when the health of those participating was egregiously overlooked. On Monday, all the positoids participating seemed to be doing well health-wise, but looks can be deceiving and I know how well I can hide it when I’m feeling worn out and not up for much. I was deeply impressed with Monte’s care in undertaking the project, and not seeing past the participants in looking ahead to what will surely be a wonderful end result.
As for Gwenn feeling bad, I asked her if she wanted to stay home on Monday, since her health is my greatest concern, but she insisted on going. So I did my best to let her rest during the car ride up, and during the down time we had once we got to the shooting location. And, when they started rolling, she was a champ. Today, she is feeling much better than she was earlier this week- needless to say I’m very happy about that.
Of course, once the music video is edited and done, I’ll definitely be posting it here on the blog.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
30 Years of AIDS, A Personal Timeline
June 5, 2011
Today marks 30 years since the first report on what would become known as AIDS was published. Poz interviewed the doctor, Michael Gottlieb, who penned that report for the latest issue of their magazine. Poz has also compiled a timeline of the epidemic, which is worth taking a look at.
30 years of AIDS. That’s a lot to chew on. As an educator, I’m happy to see more and more people willing to be out with their status. I really think individuals can change public perception of this by letting people know that we walk proudly, HIV status and all, as fellow members of society. As someone living with HIV for well over two decades, I hope there are some real scientific answers in the pipeline. There must be continued interest in a cure, or at least an outright suppression of this virus’ ability to do damage. I don’t want to be blogging in 20 years about “50 Years of AIDS!”, where people are still taking meds, trying to take meds, and public schools are skirting around the life and death issue of sexual health education.
When I’m in my mid-50s, I want to be doing something age appropriate, and talking about sex with teenagers isn’t where I want to be. Instead, I’d rather be touring with Synthetic Division as a wise elder statesman singing songs about an epidemic unknown to the teenage hipsters in the crowd.
All that aside, I am inspired to compile my own personal timeline as someone who has entered his fourth decade (80′s, 90′s, 00′s, 10′s) with HIV. So sit back and enjoy!
1984-85: In the 4th Grade I get shingles, the first huge sign my immune system is compromised. Soon thereafter, I hear my first AIDS joke in class. “What do you call Rock Hudson on a skateboard?… Roll AIDS!”
1986: Enjoy my first kiss on the lips. A peck, but a kiss nonetheless. I am hooked for life.
1987: Diagnosed with HIV in March. Kicked out of the 6th Grade due to concerns over my HIV status. Allowed back just in time for the beginning of Junior High School.
1988: Ask my doctor if HIV can be transmitted through french kissing. He says without the flow of blood or open sours, it is highly unlikely. Soon thereafter, I have my first french kiss. I am hooked for life.
1990: Meet Depeche Mode through the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Almost outlive lead singer, Dave Gahan, as the 1990s progress. Against all odds, we both end up surviving the decade.
1992: I am crowned Waynesboro High School’s first HIV positive Homecoming King.
1996-97: I go public with my HIV status with one of the first web sites on the internet about living with HIV. Invent the word “positoid”, which means “someone living with HIV”. Begin writing the Positoid column for Poz magazine, and blogging about my daily experiences.
1999: Diagnosed with AIDS. Start HIV medications. All that is overshadowed by the fact that my new girlfriend, Gwenn, decides to move in with me.
2000: Feel good enough to start traveling the United States with Gwenn, educating about safer sex at colleges and universities.
2002: After a few years on HIV medications, I start a week on/week off HIV drug regimen to combat side effects. It works for me: t-cells remain high as viral load stays low.
2004: Gwenn and I get married. Too tired to have sex on wedding night.
2006: My Pet Virus, my humorous memoir, is published by Penguin. (check out Poz’s Bookstore)
2011: I grow tired of thinking about items for my personal timeline on HIV/AIDS while blogging about 30 years of AIDS.
I’m sure I missed some milestones there, but it’s been quite a ride. I’m looking forward to more adventures, and I thank you for making my blog one of your little stops on the internet. Stay well, be your own hero and let’s all do our part to make HIV a permanent part of history. I’d love nothing more than to live to see that day.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
LIFE IN PHOTOS
Shit got whack at da coffee shop today.
One of my #Halo friends is a vicious monster who will attack the moment you turn your back to him. Every Team Slayer match is basically 3 on 5 with him involved. The game should have trials for war crimes as a game mode.
Yesterday the neighbor's cat paid us a visit. His name is Hobbes, and it was our first meeting. He is very friendly.
I know what you all want, and it isn't pasty European Heavyweight champions... it's me drinking iced mochas. Behold.
Speaking About Sexual Health
Since 2000, Shawn and Gwenn have been speaking about sexual health together, sharing their personal story and empowering others to be safe. If you are interested in having them speak at your event, fill out the Contact Us form.
Check out Shawn's music and buy his book, My Pet Virus, which is now available on Kindle!
It will be the funniest book you've ever read about someone having AIDS... guaranteed!