She Won! Positoids Rejoice!
January 31, 2010
Caressa Cameron, Miss Virginia, completely rocked the Miss America pageant tonight, winning the title of Miss America in the process. This is the first time since 1997- when Kate Shindle took the crown- that a Miss America has had HIV/AIDS as her platform issue. (In some bizarro pageant world synchronicity, Shindle’s birthday is today- Happy Birthday, Kate!)
These days, the Miss America Organization has partnered with the Children’s Miracle Network, so basically whomever wins is immediately an advocate for the CMN. Which is a great cause, nobody can argue with raising money for children’s hospitals, right? It’s a safe and much-needed thing, whereas a platform issue like HIV education is much-needed, but not so safe.
Aside from the work Miss America does with the CMN, the reigning queen does have some time to advocate for their own cause. The fact that Caressa is already a natural advocate for HIV/AIDS will only do good things for peoples’ perceptions of those living with HIV. Every little bit of acceptance and awareness helps, as does every voice that calls out for comprehensive sex education in schools, as Caressa has done in schools all throughout Virginia.
Now, her message will go beyond the Commonwealth.
Congratulations to the newly crowned Miss America! I’m sure Caressa will be a fierce and friendly ally to the community, just as she’s always been. And, if Rush Limbaugh threw a few points her way as a judge, then I guess I have to say, for once, good call, Rush. Maybe you weren’t such a bad choice for a pageant judge after all.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
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Miss(ing) America
January 28, 2010
No, this isn’t a blog entry about longing for the days of President George Bush after last night’s State of the Union Address by President Obama. You’d know I have dementia if that were the case. This entry is only partially political, though mostly personal.
This weekend is the Miss America pageant in Las Vegas. Last year, Gwenn and I cheered on Miss Virginia and Miss New York, who is a Virginia native and a member of our AIDS Walk team, Supersnack. The current Miss Virginia is Caressa Cameron, who joined us in DC last October for the AIDS Walk and has been raising awareness about HIV/AIDS issues for several years now, becoming personally linked to the issue at the age of 8, when her uncle died from AIDS.
She is a friend to the positoid community. And Gwenn and I should be there cheering her on. But… a funny thing happened on the way to Las Vegas this year. The Miss America Organization invited Rush Limbaugh to be a judge. Yes, the man who infamously uttered the following statement in regard to women:
“Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream.” - Rush Limbaugh
Admittedly, I just don’t like the guy. Truth be written, I think he’s a blabbering idiot and I resent my much-beloved Miss America Organization for giving me yet another thing to have in common with Rush Limbaugh. Aside from being white, now we are both officially assigned judges within the Miss America system. Well, I guess we have three things in common, as we both ended 2009 with health scares. If his heart problem had been “the big one”, I may be in Vegas right now.
No, I’m not wishing he were dead. But I don’t understand why he gets to judge Miss America… when I’ve judged several local pageants here in Virginia. That spot on the panel in Vegas was mine. I earned it. But I digress, this isn’t about me: it’s about the girls.
Why do smart, confidant women trying to earn scholarship money for college (and win, this is a competition) have to go through Rush? I don’t understand the reason for having him there, outside of the shock value, getting his vast radio audience to tune in and hoping he provides a counter to the Miss USA Perez Hilton/Prejean moment.
Okay, so I totally understand why he’s there.
I have a lot of friends in Vegas this weekend and I wish Caressa well. She’s already won preliminary talent, and I fully expect her to keep going strong. She’s tough enough to handle Limbaugh and the crazy schedule that would await her should she bring home the biggest of crowns. But I just couldn’t stomach the thought of sharing oxygen space with Rush Limbaugh- an ill representation of the male species, the classic example of being all balls and no heart.
My boycott, of course, has it’s limitations. I will be watching the pageant on television. And if you are a positoid, too, be sure to cheer for Miss Virginia. Whether she comes home with the upgraded crown or not, she has had our backs. This Saturday, even if it’s from a distance, we should have hers, too.
Go, Caressa!
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Check out my Poz column from November 2008, in which I expound on my love for pageants and hatred of anti-gay bigotry.
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The Pregnancy Pact
January 27, 2010
In June of 2008, there was an article in Time magazine that set off a media frenzy. It told the story of the unusually high rate of teenage pregnancy in one particular Gloucester, MA high school. Thus last weekend, in a longer than usual made-for-TV movie gestation period of two years- the Lifetime network gave birth to The Pregnancy Pact.
I saw an ad on TV while Gwenn and I were on the road, traveling to speak about safer sex of all things, and I was mesmerized by the promise of bad musical cues, vacant stares into the camera and over-and-under acting. After the horrors of Haiti and my own distaste for American politics (Democrats can’t even fill Ted Kennedy’s seat?), who could blame me or anyone else for wanting the brain cheese?
Yes, I got some of what I wanted and expected from the brat Pact. Just about every commercial break faded out with one maniacal teenage stare combined with a musical swell…. and… black screen… fade out to a feminine hygiene product pitch. But there were some surprisingly effective scenes that were free of camp. For instance, when abstinence-championing mom confides to her pregnant daughter that she and her father didn’t actually wait until marriage, as she had told her daughter up until that point. It was one simple scene that turned two caricatures- the reckless daughter and stick-up-the-ass mom- into human beings.
And that’s the problem.
In a Lifetime made-for-TV movie about sexual health and decision-making as it pertains to teenagers, one that (thankfully) went overboard with the dramatics, that one scene is a work of Avatar-esque fiction in a lot of households, because it simply features a mother and daughter talking. Honestly. About sex.
According to recently released data, it appears that the 2008 Gloucester “pacters” weren’t the only teenagers getting their pregnancy on: in 2006 overall teen pregnancy rates were on the rise. Incidentally, just as millions and millions of tax dollars were being spent on abstinence-only sex education. In this article, excellently written by a teenager on LA Youth’s web site, the author wonders aloud if television is the only way a young person is expected to learn about sex education in our culture. It’s a very good question.
Especially since mum seems to be the word from a lot of moms these days.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
(Thanks to Bob Bowers for sharing the LA Youth article by Meklit Gebre-Mariam through his twitter page.)
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Helping Positoids in Haiti
January 20, 2010
Haiti has long been associated with the AIDS epidemic, due to the high numbers of people living with the virus. Poz magazine just posted an article online about this, and Poz Blogger Oriol Gutierrez just posted about the situation, providing links on how you can help.
Oriol writes: “Everyone in Haiti deserves our help, but the situation is especially dire for Haitians living with HIV/AIDS. According to UNAIDS, approximately 120,000 Haitians are HIV positive.”
You can still text 90999 to donate $10, and after the second earthquake we should all do what we can to help out. The relief efforts and response to this tragedy has been heartening to see, and I’m glad that the community of positoids in Haiti, often overlooked, are being considered as we all wonder what we can do to pitch in.
Hope this finds everyone safe and sound as our thoughts go out to those in need.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
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Who Is HIV Hoax… Guy?
January 19, 2010
Uh, I got this video from an anonymous source. It’s really, you know, scary.
*NOTE: This only makes sense if you have seen the debunked HIV Hoax Lady YouTube vid or read my previous blog entry, HIV Hoax Lady’s Viral Video.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
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HIV Hoax Lady’s Viral Video
January 18, 2010
You may or may not have seen the viral video of a young woman’s scare tactic to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS by claiming that she has the virus and intends to spread it, or did… I’m not sure, the video is so long and her delivery so annoying that I only made it through 2 minutes.
The last 9 minutes of the video is a mystery to me, but what isn’t unknown is that the video is a fake. Authorities found her, and the creator of the video admitted she doesn’t have HIV. If you want to take the challenge to endure the entire video, feel free. Here it is.
HIV Hoax Lady lives in Detroit. I read somewhere that she and her husband run a subscription based, online adult service that may or may not include her taking her clothes off. I do not judge- the economy is in the shitter and, well, she lives in Detroit. If she works in the sex field, then she has firsthand knowledge of the boner mentality she is addressing in the video, and trying to get guys to use protection or bang in a more discerning way is admirable.
What bugs me, of course, is the “AIDS Monster” theme. Every time a real-life story of someone knowingly infecting another gets out, it colors peoples’ impressions of everyone living with HIV. That we’d all want revenge on the world and take the entire ship down with us after testing positive, when the overwhelming reaction to testing positive is the feeling of being isolated. The fear of someone loving you again.
Of course, those who are that easily influenced by the media see an “AIDS Monster” story and say, “Those damn people with AIDS!”. Then go on with their lives and never discuss the issue of safe sex with their children… or friends, or anyone. As much as I don’t like HIV Hoax Lady’s methodology, at least she’s trying to talk about sex. That puts her one tiny step ahead of everyone else- from school administrators who cut sex education and ban the word “condom” to the DC lawmakers who make carrying more than one condom in your purse a liability in a dumb attempt to curb prostitution.
I must confess that there’s a jealousy factor for me here in addressing HIV Hoax Lady. How can such an obvious sham get 700,000 views on YouTube, when my greatest works- such as Micah Fights, Werewolves: Are They Real?, Shawn Steals a Dog, When Babies Save Christmas, When Babies Have Babies and the Avatar-Asskicking music video Interplanetary Traveler- don’t even break the 10,000 mark combined? I was going to spoof her and present myself as someone who is HIV negative, but the negative community already has a huge image problem to overcome, and I wouldn’t want anyone to be offended as many with HIV were when they saw the video above.
HIV Hoax Lady’s video and scratchy voice did have an impact outside of the cyberworld- it caused a larger than usual turnout for HIV testing in the Detroit area. That’s good. But in all seriousness, anytime someone makes a misguided attempt in furthering HIV prevention by throwing those who are already living with the virus under the bus, we must stand up and defend ourselves.
Happy Martin Luther King Day,
Shawn
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction….The chain reaction of evil–hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars–must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Ethan Zohn Home
January 12, 2010
On Sunday HIV/AIDS advocate and Survivor Africa Winner went home after 20 days in the hospital, undergoing a complete stem-cell transplant to eradicate cancer.
Ethan spent the entire year of 2009 dealing with a cancer diagnosis, finally meeting his nemesis for a final showdown in a modern cocoon (the “Bubble”, family members and friends had to suit up in Leslie Nielsen “Naked Gun” condom outfits to visit his room). Even though he was at his weakest, the will to compete that inspired him to win Survivor and partake in the Eco-Challenge had not be quelled. Not only was he taunting cancer with insults, while undergoing the intensive 30-day process, he managed to set the record for most urine collected in a 24-hour period at the hospital; 13.5 liters. (Previous record was 10.4, respectively.)
He also got out ten days ahead of schedule.
Part of the stem-cell process meant rendering Ethan’s immune system obsolete- he literally welcomed New Year’s Eve with no immune system. Here’s a full article from Tonic.com which explains more about what Ethan has been through, and the fact that 2010 looks to be a much brighter, healthier year for someone who is a great guy and one of the community’s staunchest advocates.
Welcome home, Ethan!
Positively Yours,
Shawn
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How I Ended 2009 In The Hospital
January 10, 2010
2009 wasn’t the best year for me health wise, as illustrated by my multi-part series about World AIDS Week in December a few weeks ago. Since then, I’ve figured that I spent at least 1/6 of the year at less than 100%, due to two coughing episodes that lasted a combined 8 weeks.
So, I guess after the year I had, it was only appropriate to end 2009 with a stay in the hospital.
The reason why it took me so long to blog about the World AIDS Week
stuff is because part of my survival strategy in living with HIV for
over two decades has been to deal with what comes up, then move on and
not dwell on the fact that I’m not the perfect picture of health. In
the pre-med days, a positive attitude and good friends/family were the
only thing I had to fight with. So, if you find it odd that I’ve been blogging about other things since my Christmas Eve Eve Eve spent in the hospital, that’s probably why.
Plus, the following story wasn’t exactly in line with the festive mood one associates with the holidays. Now, safely removed from the tinsel and egg nog hangovers, you can gather your family around ye ol’ laptop for Shawn’s Holidaze Craptacular.
Image from my Decker’s Daily Coffee site on Flickr.
The weekend before Christmas, a massive snowstorm hit the East Coast. Over two feet of snow dropped on my hometown. Though my cough had returned, I had sufficient snow-wear and went sledding for the first time in over a decade with friends, who were snowed-in in the neighborhood with us. I even took a beer onto the street, since there would be no cops or cars or anything to interfere. After the month I’d had, it was a good time and I was happy to let loose and enjoy Mother Nature’s furious case of dandruff.
A couple of days before the snow hit, I woke up with a sore throat that I suspected was a bacterial infection, so I went to an outpatient care center and where I doctor looked at my throat, agreed, and prescribed me some antibiotics. After two nights of sledding, the sore throat was gone but my cough had returned. It was really irritating, especially on Monday, the day my friends were finally able to commandeer their cars home on the still-snowy and slick roads. By night, the cough was being soothed by glass after glass of water, but my frustration grew when my nose started to bleed.
A pesky little bleed, but after a month of them I was worn out.
I took Stimate, a nasal spray that boosts my clotting factor, and the bleed stopped. At night all I wanted to do was sleep, but my mind was racing, worried that the cough would keep me up. Frantically, I found a spot, curled up, then made ridiculous requests of Gwenn, like a straw that I could slurp from on my side, so I didn’t have to sit up to drink, afraid that this would make me cough.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was completely manic.
At around 7:30 am I woke up after an hour of sleep. My heart was racing. I told Gwenn we had to go to the hospital or call 911. I honestly felt my life was in danger, and was having a panic attack. See, I don’t really panic, I’m a pretty chill guy and credit that to having been warped by some serious medical traumas early in life. Plus, I have a healthy sense of spirituality that helped me loosen my grip on this physical realm before I got my learner’s permit.
So panicking in and of itself caused me to panic more.
“No, no, driving is faster, let’s get to the car,” I said. Gwenn was terrified, but used her upbringing in Cleveland to drive me safely to the hospital. Along the way, however, I had her stop the car so I could get out and throw up as cars drove slowly around around us. “Don’t get hit!” Gwenn begged. When I hurled, it was so violent that my nose started to drip blood on the white snow.
“Fuuuuudge,” I thought, not thinking that particular word.
With a shaky hand that had nothing to do with the temperature outside, I picked up a huge chunk of snow that was roughly the size of my face, held it to my nose and got in the car. The rest of the drive I felt much calmer, and knew I wouldn’t die. When I checked the snow for blood, I was relieved that the nose was under control, but kept it to my face because it was soothing. Small victories, but a tiny step forward from fearing for my life.
Once inside the ER, I was taken to a waiting room, and given IV fluids since the basics of what was going on were a) I have AIDS and b) I’d thrown up on the way to the hospital. The night before I’d drank so much water; only after they ran labs did they find out what had happened. The Stimate nasal spray can cause fluid retention. All the water I drank to keep my throat soothed from the cough had caused my electrolytes to crash. The IV fluids administered didn’t help, either.
By the time I had a room, I couldn’t even gather the energy to talk, and each time a doctor came in and asked (lots, UVa is a teaching hospital) I nodded to Gwenn, who explained everything since I was too exhausted to put together a coherent sentence. Every two hours they drew blood. My HIV blood levels were normal, my hemophilia clotting levels were normal (which is why the nosebleed in the middle of the street stopped so fast), but my Sodium level was 121. The normal range is anywhere from 136-142. If your sodium drops to 119, you are at risk of falling into a coma.
They put me on a fluid restriction, which upset my stomach and made it hard to eat without feeling nauseous. Around 10 pm, there was still concern that I may have the flu, the plus side of that concern was that I was moved to my own room which was much quieter. Before we were “quarantined”, Gwenn stepped out of the room to make a phone call or grab some crackers, and I was visited by a doctor wearing a face mask in a wheel chair. He had an accent that I couldn’t place- it sounded Romanian, almost Dracula-ish.
If he were a vampire in disguise, he came to the wrong fudging room.
As the doc explained his thoughts on what had happened to me and that the culprit was the hemophilia medication, I was still feeling completely high, but was finally able to have the wherewithal to say, “Yeah”, “Uh huh”, and all the other phrases we use as humans to get through our day. I wished that Gwenn had been there to witness the eerie visit (I couldn’t get the first Saw movie out of my mind for some reason), and I knew I was getting better. I also thought about my poor luck with hemophilia medications over the course of my life- hepatitis B, HIV, hepatitis C and now this assassination attempt.
The doctor in the wheelchair gave me his prognosis, that I’d be okay and everything should naturally bounce back with the fluid restriction.
After a few naps in my private room, I woke up to the request of another nurse with another needle requesting to poke another hole in my arm. I invited Gwenn to my bed for a cuddle around 2 AM, and it was the first time since arriving at the hospital 18 hours earlier that I felt like being touched by anyone.
By the morning, my Sodium level rose modestly to 123. The doctor in the wheelchair came to visit again, without the face mask this time. He said he was comfortable letting me go home just after noon, so long as I came back to the hospital the next day- Christmas Eve- (and then 3 days later) to get lab work. By this time, of course, my Christmas plans to spend Christmas Eve at my brother’s an hour away had already been canceled, but I was more than happy with how the year was ending and that I’d be going home for some much-needed rest.
Before being released, my Mom stopped by for a visit and brought a big bag of presents. The next day my parents came by our house to drop off more presents on Christmas Eve. But the best present came when I got the results from my labwork- my sodium level had risen to 137- perfectly normal! Which meant my body had bounced back, and the one-bottle-of-water a day restriction was lifted. They thought it would take a week for the levels to stabilize, and I was really concerned about feeling sick to my stomach for that long.
Not to be greedy, but I wanted one more thing for Christmas; a good night’s sleep. After getting home from the hospital on Christmas Eve Eve, I had trouble sleeping, and was awake from the time I got home until after my parents came by the next day; it was crazy. Especially since I rest pretty easily. It was like my mind was still in knots. But, on Christmas Eve night, with no liquid restriction, I took a modest amount of Nyquil and that did the trick. The next morning, I was still too shell-shocked to leave town, but had enough energy to go by our friend Lauren’s (the one who I shot the music video for) and see our Goddaughter, Evie. Then it was back home for another great night of sleep.
Though I didn’t really get into the Christmas spirit this year, I was more thankful than ever (no joke- I’m always deeply thankful) for everything I have, especially after it was threatened. I learned that I need to stay on top of all of my medical conditions and, just as importantly, the medications I put into my body. I’d been warned about the water retention with Stimate about four years ago, but had never taken it consistently as I did over the last 5 weeks of 2009.
Even though the clusterfunk was scary, I survived the year, joking with Gwenn that I end decades like a drama queen, reminding her about our first year together in 1999, the year that my t-cells crashed and I had to start on HIV meds. I’ve always liked to think that my specialty is outwitting the Reaper and all of his sneaky tools of destruction, and I don’t want to come that close to meeting the blade any time soon. If I’m fortunate enough to avoid disaster until 2019, you know I’m going to be ready for whatever comes my way and, just to be safe, I’m going to go over my prescription bottles with a fine-toothed comb on Christmas 2018.
With Gwenn I am in safe hands, but truth be told, this happened because I let me guard down. That Monday night I ignored some pretty significant warning signs from my body, and before that I told myself that coughing for a month was acceptable merely because I am a positoid. I should have reached out to my hematologist or my infectious disease doctor. Now, on the plus side, I have a primary care physician as a result of the hospital stay- she rocks, and in the future instead of seeing a “stranger” with a prescription pad at an outpatient facility I’ll contact her, and she can see me any run things by the other doctors. There is a way to keep the attitude that helped me survive those early years, while expanding my odds of continuing this mortal journey by asking for help when my body is screaming for it.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
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Uganda’s Proposed “Gay Death Panels”
January 6, 2010
Been hearing bits and pieces of this story for the last month, and the proposed anti-gay laws in Uganda in which it would be punishable by law to not report someone whom you suspected of being a homosexual. In addition, the language of the law made it justifiable to then put homosexuals to death.
Yes, death panels. Actual death panels written into law, not dreamt up by anti-health care lobbyists/politicians in the United States. Poz founder Sean Strub shared the following video on his Facebook page:
“This needs to be distributed widely. Fundamentalist Christians spreading such intense hate in Africa are now getting exposed. They’ve recently come out in opposition to the proposed Uganda legislation that would execute certain homosexuals and require all citizens to report anyone they thought was homosexual. But don’t let their new-found opposition fool you. This video is what some of their most prominent leaders are really saying in Uganda.“
I don’t think Scott Lively represents all Christians, but one of my problems with organized religion of any sort is how a minority such as the gay community (and women, in a broader sense) can be marginalized. Anti-gay marriage attitudes freely expressed here in the United States can be seamlessly translated into the encouragement of death panel legislation in a country like Uganda.
Rachel Maddow has been passionately covering this issue, which has largely been ignored by the mainstream media. Here’s an article on LGBTQ News about her work and some clips from her show about it and her interview with Bob Hunter, a man who is involved with a group of politicians known as “The Family”. In the discussion with Rachel, he explains how the fundamental Christians/politician group is actively fighting this anti-gay Ugandan legislation privately.
This is a definitely a story worth being made aware of.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
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My Avatar: Interplanetary Traveler (by Lauren Hoffman)
January 4, 2010
One of the best things about 2009 was having iced mochas with Gwenn and our friend, Lauren Hoffman. Her daughter, Evelyn (I call her “Evie”) joins in on most of these occasions, stealing foam from the top of Gwenn and Lauren’s drinks. The highlight of 2009 was most definitely being a Godparent to Evelyn, and seeing her grow up.
(She’s 16 months old, so she’s still a tiny tot.)
Aside from being an avid latte lover and all-around good person, Lauren is an incredible musician. I’m sure the concept for her music video came about over iced mochas and vanilla lattes, and I was thrilled that Evie agreed to star in the video with some of her favorite stuffed animals. The song is the title track from Lauren’s CD, Interplanetary Traveler, which will be available on CD Baby (and iTunes) next Tuesday.
Hope you enjoy my creative high point for the year that was 2009! When it’s all said and done, I’ll look back at this work as my Avatar, only with better special effects.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
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