Hemo2Homo Connection: Bruno
July 14, 2009
BRUNO REVIEW
HOMO: I know why you wanted to see this. Big homosexual terrorizes the public at large! It’s because you thought it was a horror film — “Saw” for straight men.
HEMO: Actually I thought Bruno was the a wrestling biopic for Bruno Sammartino. When I found out it wasn’t, I decided not to go.
HOMO: You flaked on me again?
HEMO: I was totally busy this past weekend, playing an HIV benefit with my synthpop trio. MAC artists were there, and they totally made me up in guyliner, check it out.
HOMO: Mmmmm, hmmmm… say, what band did you meet through the Make-A-Wish Foundation back in 1990? Was that Guns N’ Roses? Motley Crue? Bananarama?
HEMO: No, Depeche Mode. What are you getting at?
HOMO: Well, I don’t want to say you look a little gay or anything, but not even Bruno wore that much eyeliner…
When I first heard that there would be this insane movie about a totally exaggerated, offensive gay stereotype running around scaring straight people, I was waiting for the scene where he asks Carrie Prejean about gay marriage and then calls her names in an insane rant equal only to “Leave Britney alone.”
HEMO: Leave Hemo alone!
HOMO: But it wasn’t Perez Hilton they were talking about- it was that fake Austrian oversexed sissy who once asked a skinhead, “Are there any of you who aren’t gay?”
HEMO: Not even Bruno Sammartino would say that to a skinhead.
HOMO: I thought, “What could Bruno do that’s worse than Perez, a guy who makes Ross the Intern look like Johnny Carson?”
HEMO: Wait- did the Latoya Jackson scene make it in? He asked her to talk like Michael because that way he could say he interviewed the legend.
HOMO: NO! See what I mean? This is Bruno Lite. They took that scene out. It doesn’t matter. After seeing the film, I realized that it has the same plot as the Kathy Griffin Show, trying to get famous every week, except Life on the D List is much, MUCH gayer.
HEMO: That’s one of my favorites. On the most recent episode, she went off on Reagan for not saying “AIDS” for so long after someone gave her a jelly bean.
HOMO: See, she’s a lot funnier than Bruno, who’s a bit of a hum ho. I mean if you’re gonna do shock comedy, does anyone really think that Bruno is even REMOTELY as outrageous as Divine…
HEMO: What does that hooker that Hugh Grant banged a decade ago have to do with this?
HOMO: Okay, maybe you’re not gay, thinblood. John Waters’ Divine, who picked up a piece of dog crap and ate it, and who had a character who chained lesbians in a basement so she could sell the babies.
My biggest problem with Bruno is that very few of the people they ridicule are showing homophobia. Most of them are just reacting to someone putting a dildo in their face in public, or someone would trade a baby for an iPod. You don’t have to be homophobic to hate that. I don’t know who he’s skewering.
Or does it matter?
HEMO: It matters. I would have been there on opening night if his MTV Movie Awards show stunt with Eminem wasn’t totally staged. I mean, it makes sense to drop your balls in a rapper’s face unexpectedly, right? Em was great, acting offended, but he and MTV were in on the whole thing.
Which means that, despite Bruno’s balls being in Eminem’s face, the entire stunt had no real balls to speak of.
HOMO: Exactly. Hell, even the big scene at the end with all the wrestlers going nuts over “a same sex kiss.” Well, no. It wasn’t a kiss. It was a full-on sex scene with a guy who wasn’t that cute. I was just as turned off by it as the so-called redneck haters.
HEMO: So, you think they were rioting because they found out they weren’t starring in Bruno Sammartino?
HOMO: I don’t know. How cute is he? Given how gay wrestling is — big sweaty guys, doing S&M sex for pay — I wouldn’t want to miss that.
HEMO: Here he is.
HOMO: Never mind.
HEMO: So, how do you rate Bruno?
HOMO: Kinda funny, but not as gay, or as edgy, as the Republican Senate.
Steve’s Pick: If you want to see the scariest movie of the year, go see “The Hurt Locker.” It’s only showing in parts of the country, but this is the movie that will have you on the edge of your seat, and should be nominated for best movie Oscar.
The Hemo2Homo Connection is Shawn Decker and Steve Schalchlin. Just two guys with AIDS who like to review movies.
The creators/stars of the Hemo2Homo Connection met online in 1996, and
posted their first movie review in 1998. Both have been living with HIV
for over twenty years, and have annoyed their friends and loved ones
for much longer than that.
Steve Schalchlin (“Homo”) resides in Los Angeles, CA. He is an award-winning musician, singer and songwriter. Shawn Decker (“Hemo”) lives in Charlottesville, VA. He is an HIV/AIDS educator and the author of My Pet Virus.
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. 
ACTING UP in DC Yesterday
July 10, 2009
Yesterday 26 AIDS activists were arrested in DC for staging a protest in the Rotunda, chaining themselves together and chanting to the public and media about the importance for housing for people with AIDS and clean needle programs.
Check it out.
In recent years, the US has sacrificed lives on the AIDS front due to moralizing in the face of facts. Clean needles do save lives. It’s just that politicians are afraid of losing the votes of their non-injecting electorate, even if it means throwing lives under the bus. I am thrilled to see positoids and negatoids taking a stand on this issue in our nation’s capitol.
Now, for those of us who weren’t there, let’s share the video and spread the word.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. Come to the HIV/AIDS Benefit Show in Charlottesville, VA on July 11!
She Shawn’s band in a YouTube video with the song “Holding Out For a Hero”
Me and Gwenn on the Radio
July 9, 2009
The media onslaught continues in Charlottesville… Wednesday morning Gwenn and I went on 106.1 The Corner to speak with Brad Savage about HIV/AIDS, our story and the benefit this Saturday. I was sooooo close to bringing Dab the AIDS Bear into the studio.
You can hear the interview by clicking on me and Dab.
The best part is at 1:00, when I get hung up on pronouncing “statistics” properly. Gwenn comes in for the assist, thankfully. I hadn’t had my coffee yet, that’s my excuse.
I haven’t looked forward to a show this much in quite some time. Am sorry my friends in Bella Morte are going to be rocking in Stroudsburg, PA, the same night as the show. Will miss seeing them and still remember how cool I thought it was of them when they agreed- without hesitation- to do an HIV/AIDS benefit right around the time I’d first moved to town.
It’s been a lot of fun promoting this show. Earlier tonight, I made another Synthetic Division video, this time specifically for people who have responded that they are “Maybe” going to attend the show on Saturday. In this vid, I mention that “I wish I maybe had AIDS”.
Hee hee hee.
Don’t be a “maybe”! Alright, it’s back to sleep with me.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. Come to the HIV/AIDS Benefit Show in Charlottesville, VA on July 11!
She Shawn’s band in a YouTube video with the song “Holding Out For a Hero”
Dab the AIDS Bear Confirmed for Show
July 8, 2009
You might remember me and Dab the AIDS Bear having coffee together last month. Since then, this little guy has been keeping Gwenn and I up all night playing Synthetic Division music. It’s getting out of hand- I’m not used to having music fans. AIDS fans? Easy. But music fans are hard.
Especially ones that are stuffed and crazed.
Oh well. Like everything else, I’ve decided to exploit his fandom and help the Dab the AIDS Bear Project at the same time. At the show, I’ll be selling Dab Bears. But this is a special one-time edition, kind of like rare Barbie Dolls. This is the “Obsessed With Synthpop” Dab the AIDS Bear- there’s only 4, so if you are coming to the show and want to reserve one, just send me a message. Of course, there are plenty of Dab the AIDS Bears looking for a good home here.
It’s been great having so many people involved in making this show happen. Last Friday, I met with Chris from AIDS Services Group here in town, and he’s going to be on hand with free condoms and information about HIV. (I really hope to do a benefit for ASG soon!) And another friend who works at MAC- a supporter of raising money for AIDS research- has offered to give free makeup touch-ups to people as a way of thanking them for supporting the cause.
Very cool.
Ah, there’s the music blasting again. As much as I like to hear the tunes, I have to go tell the teddy bear to turn it off, it’s after 2 a.m. and the neighbors are trying to sleep.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. Come to the HIV/AIDS Benefit Show in Charlottesville, VA on July 11!
She Shawn’s band in a YouTube video with the song “Holding Out For a Hero”
The Curious Case of Shawn’s Buttons
July 6, 2009
So of course, I post a glorious blog last week about getting over my cough and it comes back about a day later. Figures. I got cocky and went to a smokey club to have fun with friends and spread the word about this Saturday’s HIV benefit show with my band…
Which will be- of course- a smokey club.
I’m going to check in with my doctor and let him know what’s happening so I’m not assuming this isn’t treatable. Because it’s been over two weeks now, which is ridiculous evening by my standards of recovery. Overall, I’m feeling a bit better again, but don’t want to be coughing the night away needlessly if I don’t have to.
Tonight I had band practice with Synthetic Division- the set is really coming together. After practice, Marshall the keyman and I lit a firecracker in drummer Mike’s driveway, then went to WNRN’s Subculture Shock radio show to talk about the event this weekend. That’s me and Silent Muse (who are also playing) band member Chad. I was pretending to sing “We Are The World”.
One of the best things about being in a band is making buttons. This time around, my good buddies in Bella Morte donated the button-making facilities (thanks guys!). I enlisted a graphic designer and one of my best friends, Josh, as well, and he sent along the button art below, which was so good I kind of lost my mind, as you can see.
Josh is a talented musician and played a Synthetic Division set with me last year when Gwenn and I went to Los Angeles. Right now, he’s working on album artwork for Lauren Hoffman’s Interplanetary Traveler, the subject of the last blog entry. Josh is probably one of my favorite artists on Earth and it’s nice that his artwork, and creative spirit, will be at the show.
As for others who can’t be at the show, but would like to donate to the cause…
Well. You can go to me and Gwenn’s official fundraising page here. Also, any Decker’s Daily coffee sponsorships of $5 from now until Saturday will go to benefit total this Saturday as well.
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. Come to the HIV/AIDS Benefit Show in Charlottesville, VA on July 11!
She Shawn’s band in a YouTube video with the song “Holding Out For a Hero”
Read My Column in Poz, Cute YouTube Video
July 2, 2009
The best part about being sick for a week was writing. I blogged every day last week! So, really, if your reading this and wishing me well, you might have to decide whether your care for my well-being as a human trumps your love for my incredibly witty style of writing.
Which is on display in this month’s issue of Poz!
I wrote a column called “Maybe Baby”, about the oft-asked procreation question, specifically whether Gwenn and I are interested. And no, that’s not our baby in the photo, but it is our Goddaughter, Evie. She’s guest-starred on Decker’s Daily many times, most notably in Episode 38 as my would-be assassin, after debuting a few days earlier in Episode 34.
Aside from me, she’s logged the most Decker’s Daily appearances. Which is fitting, because when our good friend Lauren was pregnant with her, we spent most of the pregnancy in coffee shops. When she was born, we were at the hospital, and have seen her explore babyhood and life on this planet for the last 9 months.
As for exploration of other planets, well…
Lauren just had a birthday, and as you’ve seen before, I have a knack for making cool YouTube cute baby vids. My first work, When Babies Have Babies, feature my niece, Katelyn. Then last Christmas, my second niece, Helayna, debuted in the sorta sequel, When Babies Save Christmas.
Inspired by those earlier works, I made this for Lauren, changing a Happy Birthday text to a plug for Lauren’s music, which I love. So, without further ado, here’s Interplanetary Travelers, starring Evie and Lauren Hoffman. Enjoy the ride!
Positively Yours,
Captain Shawn
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. See Shawn’s band play in Charlottesville on July 11!
She the band in a YouTube video with the song “Holding Out For a Hero”
Feeling Better, Finally!
July 1, 2009
Sunday I started feeling better, and it wasn’t because I woke up feeling like a winner for picking a winner in Caressa Cameron for Miss Virginia, photographed here by the lovely and talented Julius Tolentino. (Caitlin Uze, also in my pageant poster, finished at 2nd runner-up, respectively.)
I decided that after 8 full days of limiting my outdoors activity to a couple of iced mocha runs, I needed to just live my life. I wasn’t being rogue about it; I wasn’t contagious, nor did I feel like being out would make me feel worse. And the proactive plan worked.
On Sunday I had band practice and made it through the entire 45-minute set-, and then on Monday I got some Sun at friend’s pool and went to pool league where I almost won my match.
You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, your health is back on track- great. But what happened with your other prediction, that wrestling match involving your 2008 Person of the Year, The Miz?”
Well, The Miz got flattened on Sunday at the wrestling pay per view in five minutes. But on the USA Network the following night, he beat the hell out of John Cena for about 15 minutes before losing… it was awesome! I know that the genius of my 2008 Person of the Year pick won’t be universally accepted for many years, but the Miz is having a far better year than even I could have imagined.
As for the Weekend of RedempShawn big winner, Miss Virginia 2009 Caressa Cameron, positoids can rejoice- her platform issue is HIV/AIDS Awareness! Pretty damn cool. She and her mother have worked for quite a few years for the cause, and I hope to work with Caressa a lot in the next twelve months and beyond in our home state/commonwealth of Virginia.
All in all, I’m just happy to not be sick. Even if I don’t have a cool crown… at least not yet.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. See Shawn’s band play in Charlottesville on July 11!
LIFE IN PHOTOS
Face Time fun with my Goddaughter. She was digging our phone chat- even though we were about three feet away from one another.
Making the enemy quit out with @squirrel_munky and @vaineos :)
Closing out the Joe with @gwennbarringer this afternoon.
Caught in full Mocha Mode...
Speaking About Sexual Health
Since 2000, Shawn and Gwenn have been speaking about sexual health together, sharing their personal story and empowering others to be safe. If you are interested in having them speak at your event, fill out the Contact Us form.
Check out Shawn's music and buy his book, My Pet Virus, which is now available on Kindle!
It will be the funniest book you've ever read about someone having AIDS... guaranteed!