Facebook AIDS Lawsuit
March 16, 2009
A high school student is suing fellow classmates and Facebook for $3 million for defamation of character after falsely being accused of having AIDS, being sexually promiscuous and engaging in bestiality.
You can read the story here.
It got me thinking: what would be the worst lie someone could say about me on Facebook? What would be worthy of a multi-million dollar lawsuit? Then I figured it out.
I am offering any reader $15 (not really) to start a group on Facebook claiming that I don’t have AIDS. With my writing and speaking and schtick as a happy-go-lucky positoid, being accused of not having AIDS would be the worst thing for me in these trying financial times. After we win, we can split the winnings right down the middle.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. 
HIV Co-Discoverer Fighting for Cure
March 13, 2009
The co-discoverer of HIV is locked in some legal wrangling over a potential cure for HIV, one that uses “a process that would pinpoint illnesses by their electromagnetic
signature and potentially block or neutralize them with an opposing
signal…”
You can read the rest of the story here.
There are two scientists involved- Luc Montagnier and Bruno Robert- and there can only be one winner in this case: me! Once it goes to court, I’m going to immediately contact the loser, who will be feeling pretty desperate. In a lab room in an undisclosed location, I’ll get that electromagnetic shock therapy…
“More!” “More!” “More!”
That’s how I’ll get my superpowers! Not only will I be cured of HIV, I’ll be pissing lightening bolts. If I go this route, I might not even need a gang for back-up.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. … Still No Cures?
March 13, 2009
It’s been about four days since the ban on embryonic stem cells was lifted and I’m still living with hemophilia and HIV… not to mention a dormant hepatitis C virus that I just mentioned. What gives?
I had big weekend plans with the Swatchmen, too.
Perhaps I was getting ahead of myself. And maybe anyone who lives to see a cure for something they’ve lived with their whole lives should get some pre-cure counseling. Because what happens if I do see a cure someday, and I’m still boring old me? Then what?
So what’s a positoid to do in the meantime? For starters, I’m going to see Morrissey in concert. Tonight. I’ll let his songs get me through another Friday night- roughly my 1,141st, give or take a few- with my pet virus. But who’s counting? I never added that up before this whole stem cell thing.
Seeing Morrissey makes sense- he sings about gangs.
If I run into him, I’ll ask Moz if he’ll write a theme song for a once-bleeder who gets cured and forms a gang…. nah, that would be annoying; I bet he gets asked that all the time these days.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. Stem Cell Ban Lifted
March 11, 2009
Obama has lifted the ban on stem cells, leading the way for scientists who are eager to cure me of all my ills.
A life without hemophilia? What would I do? I would be a cutter! At least for a weekend, just because I could. Life without HIV? Without my pet virus? Goodbye pills and condoms! Of course, this means Gwenn would have to take the pill… but hey, that’s just taking one for the team.
This has all got me thinking: would I still be me without these medical conditions?
Well, yes. I guess I would. Sure, I’d stray for a while, trying to find my purpose. But the previous blog about Watchmen, coupled with the idea of perfect health has got me thinking: crime-fighting would be the way to go for a cured Shawn. And just like the Watchmen, I’d form a supergroup.
Better than the Justice League.
Better than the Fantastic Four.
Better than the Traveling Wilburys… I will form them. And I will call them… The Swatchmen.
See, we’re all going to wear Swatches and leave them on our victims’ disposed bodies as our calling card. I know the cures are a long ways off, but I’ve already recruited Erin Weed of Girls Fight Back as my first sidekick. I posted on her Facebook wall, and didn’t hear a negative so I’m assuming that means she is all in on this.
And rest or unrest assured, more members are coming. In the meantime, you can watch Erin kick some ass here. Word to the wise- get on my good side sooner rather than later.
Like I said, though. This is a long ways off. It will be at least a few months before they figure out all this stem cell stuff and give me my inevitable cures. That is just enough time to sew together a really cool costume and think of all the childhood atrocities on the playground I shall avenge.
The only hang-up is finding enough money in a recession to stock up on swatches…
Positively (Soon to Be Negatively) Yours,
Shawn
Share the Blog. Not the Virus. Hemo2Homo Connection: The Watchmen Review
March 8, 2009
HEMO2HOMO REVIEWS WATCHMEN
Hemo: What wasn’t funny was the one thing that almost ruined this movie for me: straight dudes. Anytime a penis appeared onscreen, a few groups of twenty-something “straight guys” felt the need to audibly gasp or giggle.
Homo: I did think that for a CGI penis, Dr. Manhattan’s naughty bit did seem to have a little life in it. Oddly, though, it also seemed perfectly natural — like seeing a big blue Greek statue. This is a character who has more or less risen beyond his humanity, so little things like blue dangly bits don’t really factor into his universe of awareness.
Hemo: If I had Dr. Manhattan’s powers, my blue penis would have been the size of Manhattan. Hey, didn’t you think he was the “positoid” of the movie? Society made him feel so bad about the risk of spreading his “cancer”, that he isolates himself emotionally.
Homo: But can you be a positoid if you have no blood?
Hemo: You’re tripping me out. Hey, did your partner in crime (crime being life), Jim, see this one with you?
Hemo: Badass!
Homo: Jim saw the movie and it passed his “butt test.” And he HATES long ones…
Hemo: That’s why he’s with you.
Homo: Long movies, bleeder… anyway, Jim is not a geek like me, and he said this almost three-hour movie came and went before he realized it was over. So, he was completely engrossed. Did Gwenn see it with you?
Hemo: No, this trip to the movies was a sausage fest. And I’m with Jim- I get lost in long movies, too. People assume AIDS is the worst thing that ever happened to me, but that’s not true… it was having to sit through a long movie.
Homo: Which one?
Hemo: Meet Joe Black- part of me never left that theater back in ’98. I thought The Dark KnightThe Dark Knight was underserved by extending the movie by twenty minutes.
Hemo: I thought his name was Horshack?
Homo: Honestly. Two lame jokes in one review? Rorschach is insane and enjoys inflicting pain, but unlike Horshack, who does it with his whiny voice, Rorschach has a raspy nihilistic tone. And unlike The Joker, he is a moralist. So, the torture only goes to those he believes deserves it.
Hemo: The blood in this film surprised me as a hemophiliac. Not since Sweeney Todd have I enjoyed such grand cinematic plasma fix!
Hemo: (somberly) You know, I’d like to think that- if I had more clotting factor- I could put together a suit and go out and fight crime…
Homo: Please let me dwell for a moment on what your costume would look like. I know! Paint your pee pee red and go naked! (It’s the homo in me. I had to go there.) But seriously, as fellow positoids, we are bound together by our blood and purpose so that others aren’t afraid of our kind. I saw Watchmen as a symbol of our abiding friendship as competitive good guys making things right in the world.
Hemo: … so, am I a super hero?
Homo: Yes, but the only thing you bomb people with is your jokes.
A warning to our readers: Watchmen is a violent, complex, adult drama. It is not a “Let’s get together and fight the bad guy” kind of movie, though they describe, in the film, that that’s how super heroes in costumes started — cops dressing up in reaction to bad guys dressing up like gangs.
Hemo: I also enjoyed the dark tone of the movie, how the lines were constantly being blurred. It’s like watching the Today show, you don’t know who the bad guy is, or if there even is one.
Homo: It plays like a novel. Dense, intelligent and captivating. In fact I went to see it a second time and liked it even more. There’s so much in this movie, you can’t get it all the first time.
Hemo: Kind of like a Hemo2Homo Connection review, right?
Homo: Only if someone reads my parts.
Hemo: Yeah, yeah. Enjoy your insults while you can, thickblood. I’m off to go work on that red pee pee suit. There are bigger things out there in the world for me to do than review movies. You haven’t seen the last of me, Rorschachlin! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Is this the end of the Hemo2Homo Connection? Will Shawn return as a masked avenger, and try to take over the Hemo2Homo Connection once and for all? Tune in next time to find out!
————————————-
Steve’s addendum: Since I really liked this movie so much, I’d like to publish some additional thoughts after having seen it again. The best review I’ve read of “Watchmen” –the one I most agree with — is here written by Andrew O’Hehir. To tell you the truth, I’m a little peeved at the negative tone of many of the reviews, dismissing this intelligent, thoughtful and complexly difficult film outright as if it were a piece of fluff. That’s just too easy. For one thing, you have Alan Moore’s full permission. (He’s the rebellious author of the source material, a comic series now available as a graphic novel, who has refused all royalties or even allow his name on the credits). And for another, no one can convert a great work into another great work. One will always be a pale imitation of the other.
More links: Alan Moore, who created and wrote the original Watchmen, talks extensively about the role of super heroes and comic books in this stimulating and tough interview. It’s well worth reading.
The Hemo2Homo Connection are Shawn Decker and Steve Schalchlin.
The creators met online in 1996, and posted their first movie review in 1998. Both have been living with HIV
for over twenty years, and have annoyed their friends and loved ones for longer than that.
Steve Schalchlin resides in Los Angeles, CA. He is an award-winning musician, singer and songwriter. Shawn Decker lives in Charlottesville, VA. He is an HIV/AIDS educator and the author of My Pet Virus.
Coming Attraction…
March 6, 2009
“You know, Steve, when you told me you wanted to review Watch Men,
I thought you just wanted to watch a gay porn.” – Hemo (Shawn)
Decker. Schalchlin. Hemo. Homo.
Back together again as the most dynamic movie reviewing duo living with AIDS. Witness their dramatic return to this blog on Monday, and go see the movie so you know what the hell they are talking about.
And. most importantly, don’t forget to dare to believe again!
Beer Pong Herpes VS. Wrestling Herpes
March 4, 2009
Just saw a story on “Beer Pong Herpes” on the Colbert Report- just after reading a story on “Wrestling Herpes” several weeks ago… so, what are they, and which is real?
I’ll start with the what. First up…
“Wrestling Herpes”. This is the spread of herpes among collegiate wrestlers. Since there is so much contact in the sport, and with herpes being one of the most popular Sexually Transmitted Infection for collegers, you can see how this could be a problem. Especially if someone had an exposed outbreak of blisters.
“Beer Pong Herpes”. This is the spread of herpes via the most popular beer-drinking game on college campuses. This story went viral- getting picked up by many news sources. So, which one is real?
Apparently the victory via pinfall goes to Wrestling Herpes. In fact, one student is suing his college over it. You can read the story at abcnews.com. As for Beer Pong Herpes, well.. the CDC issued a statement explaining that the story was a hoax (their name was used in the joke article that got picked up).
I learned about the Beer Pong Herpes hoax on the Colbert Report. With fake outrage he had one question about the fake threat: “Who’s f#@ing our beer pong balls?”
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Went to a Play
March 3, 2009
I fulfilled my duties as an uncle last week when I went to see my niece in her school’s rendition of Cinderella: she was the wicked stepmother. And she stole the show…
Until the Fairy Godmother came out. A little 9 year old boy dressed in drag. Well, better for my niece to learn early in life that there’s no competing with people in drag when there’s a stage and audience involved. (I hope to learn this lesson myself- am working on doing a Synthetic Division/Drag Show fundraiser for HIV/AIDS.)
Here are some photos from the play.
Then I got home, and realized what a great blog his pain would make. Sure, that’s not a very brotherly thing to do, but just wait until his daughter starts blogging. Then I’ll really be consoling him, because, as was evidenced in Cinderella, she is the funny one in the Decker family, not I.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
LIFE IN PHOTOS
Face Time fun with my Goddaughter. She was digging our phone chat- even though we were about three feet away from one another.
Making the enemy quit out with @squirrel_munky and @vaineos :)
Closing out the Joe with @gwennbarringer this afternoon.
Caught in full Mocha Mode...
Speaking About Sexual Health
Since 2000, Shawn and Gwenn have been speaking about sexual health together, sharing their personal story and empowering others to be safe. If you are interested in having them speak at your event, fill out the Contact Us form.
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