Shawn’s Tool Academy Welcomes…
February 27, 2009
I love VH1’s reality show, Tool Academy, which began with a great swerve. A group of guys thought they were competing on a TV show to discover “America’s Top Alpha Male- AKA- Mr. Awesome”, but they’d really been nominated by their girlfriends for the Tool Academy.
Ouch.
Gwenn and I can’t stop watching. The guys get little tool badges when they pass tests and make the inevitable cut at the inevitable “ceremony” at the end of each show. Formulaic? Sure, but it’s must-see TV… speaking of tools, did you hear about the senator from Colorado, Dave Schultheis?
He voted against a bill that would require pregnant women to be tested for HIV. See, mother-to-child transmission of the virus can be reduced dramatically if a woman knows she has HIV, and can take HIV medications during her last trimester.
Here was his reasoning: “This (HIV) stems from sexual promiscuity for the most part and I just can’t go there. We do things continually to remove the consequences of poor behavior, unacceptable behavior, quite frankly. I’m not convinced that part of the role of government should be to protect individuals from the negative consequences of their actions.”
Ouch.
The Bill is about the safety of the unborn child- that’s supposed to be kind of a big deal in the Republican party. When someone brought this to Dave’s attention, he saved his most shocking words for what should have been his apology.
“What I’m hoping is that yes, that person may have AIDS, have it seriously as a baby and when they grow up, but the mother will begin to feel guilt as a result of that. The family will see the negative consequences of that promiscuity and it may make a number of people over the coming years… begin to realize that there are negative consequences and maybe they should adjust their behavior.” - Senator Dave Schultheis
So wrong, on so many levels. I’m a silver lining kind-of-guy, though, and I find inspiration in this man. Which is why I am proud to announce the senator as the first inductee of Shawn’s Tool Academy, a recurring feature on this blog to honor those who solidify themselves as tools beyond a shadow of any doubt. Anytime Dave is referred to on here, there will be a (T) after his name: his tool badge of dishonor.
So take a bow, Dave Schultheis (T), for you are a complete and utter tool.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
15 years of AIDS at the Oscars
February 26, 2009
There’s a great article on Poz.com, written by the talented Mr. Bob Ickes. It examines AIDS impact at the Oscars. Check it out!
Also, in my post-Oscar wrap blog, I mentioned that Heath Ledger wasn’t in this year’s “Death Montage” segment. That’s because he was there last year, since he passed in January of 2008.
Ooopsily Yours,
Shawn
Song from “Acoustic” Show
February 26, 2009
YouTube finally accepted this video- it’s a song I wrote about one of my favorite things: sleep. “Back to Sleep” is the title, this is me and my band mate Marshall performing it on Valentine’s Day. Enjoy!
Below is a vid I stumbled upon after I posted/edited the above. This one was taken a year ago when we played in Richmond. I do a cool little “dance” move at the 2:20 mark. It’s pretty sweet.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
British Report on Tainted Blood Scandal
February 24, 2009
The Associated Press ran a story yesterday about a report on the tainted blood scandal in Britain, which you can read here.
In Britain, 5,000 hemophiliacs were infected with HIV and hepatitis C, a third of whom have died as a result. The House of Lords (not a trip-hop band, unfortunately) member who headed the report stated that these infections are the worst treatment disaster in the country’s health care system.
“Long after alarms had been founded about the risks of obtaining paid-for blood donations from communities with an increased incidence of relevant infections, such as prison inmates, this practice continued. It is difficult to avoid the conclusion that commercial interests took precedence over public health concerns,” the report stated.
The non-governmental report pinned a significant portion of the blame on U.S. companies for collecting blood from the prison population long after it was obvious that this was a high-risk donor source. The AP article ends with the following: “This inquiry is a nonbinding investigation that will not directly lead to criminal charges.”
OK, no criminal charges- thinbloods know there will be no accountability. But the folks who were in charge of making those terrible decisions should, at the very least, have to sit down for an interview with Ali G.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Oscar Results
February 23, 2009
FAIL.
The Hemo2Homo Connection couldn’t have been more wrong in their predictions. Steve called it for Best Actor with Sean Penn, and the winner even gave the Connection a shout out from stage, saying “Homo” in his acceptance speech. Don’t believe me? Check it out at the :50 mark:
OK, maybe he wasn’t thinking about us in that moment.
If I’d been correct, I would have taken the high road and complimented my movie review partner for his spirited-yet-failed prediction. But Steve? Well, here’s the title of his blog post today: “Homo Wins! Hemo Walks Away in Disgrace.”
Steve also got the Best Supporting Actor award right with his brave choice of Heath Ledger. Who could have seen that one coming? What was strange was that the Academy left Heath off of the “Death Montage”, where they show a pic of everyone the film community has lost in the last year. This year, Queen Latifah sang during this part of the show. Since Heath’s family had already accepted his Best Supporting award, the Academy must have figured that everyone knew.
I really thought Marisa Tomei would win for Best Supporting Actress, but I’d totally forgotten that Penelope Cruz was in the running. And that she’d kissed Scarlett Johansson in that movie she was in. I really let down the straight movie-going public with that oversight and missed prediction. I promise this will not happen again.
Now, it’s off to find a theatre that is still playing Milk, a movie I’ve really wanted to see. Sadly, it left my town way too soon.
By the way, did anyone see Adrian Brody last night?
February 22, 2009 STEVE SAYS: The Oscars! The gayest event of the entertainment season featuring five movies no one in America actually saw all competing to win a prize so that their DVD sales will escalate (since none of the films ever played in any actual theaters where “the public” — that great unwashed mass of Paul Blart lovers — resides.) BEST ACTRESS: Kate Winslet. It takes great skill to play the stupidest woman who ever lived. (More on that later). BEST MOVIE: That’s stupid, Shawn. But not as dumb as THE READER. I hated this movie. OK, I am back now. Thanks for pitching in Steve, we’ll see how it goes tonight. Good luck to you… you’re going to need it! February 19, 2009
One movie I won’t be missing is the biopic of Snoop Dogg, starring Brody as the rapper. Thanks to my friend Lauren for noticing the resemblance. As for Brody, he can thank my pick for Best Supporting Actor, Robert Downey Jr., for the courage to seek out and fight for the role of Snoop.
Positively Yours,
ShawnHemo2Homo… Oscar Special!
Tonight is the Oscars. It’s always a chance for me and Steve- The Hemo2Homo Connection- to match wits and predict winners. I’ll post the results tomorrow and will try not to gloat too much when I win. Oh, and I forgot to wear my suit to this blog entry, so I’m going to turn this one over to my wiser movie-going counterpart…Steve, take it away!
BEST ACTOR: Sean Penn. No actor has ever so completely captured a real figure. Ever.
(SHAWN SAYS: “No way- Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler! It’s still real to me, dammit!”)
SUPPORTING ACTOR: Heath Ledger. No actor has ever so completely captured Dick Cheney’s persona. Ever. And, amazingly, though both are dead, one manages to crawl out of the grave and appear on Fox News every once in awhile.
(SHAWN SAYS: “Robert Downey Jr. takes it running away. He’s been legally dead seven or eight times, that’s more than Heath and Cheney combined!”)
(SHAWN SAYS: “Marisa Tomei!”)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: I’m voting for Marisa Tomei because I know she’s in this category, not the Best Actress one, unlike Thinblood. I’m also going with Tomei because of the way she stomped her foot in that movie where Herman Munster was the judge. Yes, yes, I know that performance was a different year and she already won for that movie, but I don’t care.
(SHAWN SAYS: “Give her all the awards! The best stripping performance since Showgirls!”)
MILK. MILK. MILK. MILK. And yeah, I know Slumdog is supposed to win, and I loved Slumdog even though it was a purely sentimental piece of impossibility, but then, that’s what movies are all about.
(SHAWN SAYS: “Slumdog won’t win. They would have won if the movie had centered around the gameshow The Price Is Right- a classic. Not the dated Millionaire show. Can you imagine a high stakes ending that involves Plinko?”)
Warning: Steve Spoiler Ahead!
You see, The Reader is fictional account of the stupidest woman on earth. It starts off where she (statutory) rapes a willing 15 year old naked boy (uncut!). But it’s okay because she’s a sympathetic Nazi prison guard who we’re
supposed to feel sorry for even though she was personally responsible for watching and facilitating the deaths of hundreds or thousands of human beings. Why?
Because, boo hoo, she can’t read.
So the other mean Nazi guards let her take the rap for an incident where hundreds of
Jews died in a church fire, even though she was guilty anyway. And yes, that’s the actual plot. And that piece of crap was nominated for Best Picture. Be thankful it never showed in your town, Hemo.
And the best thing you’ve ever done is turn your blog over to me, by the way.
(SHAWN SAYS: “This was a bad idea, and why am I in parenthesis? Any final statements, Steve?”)
The Dark Knight got ripped off. So did every real film lover.
—————————————
Positively Yours,
ShawnMy Column in New Issue of Poz
I have a new column in the latest issue of Poz Magazine, you can read it here: “Week On, Week Off”. It’s about the ups and one big down of my last seven years on my Structured Treatment Interruption.
Hope you enjoy reading it- I am especially proud of all of the Karate Kid references and am honored to be included in an issue that focuses on what we as positoids can do to improve our health.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Bugs in the Bedroom
February 18, 2009
Tomorrow Gwenn and I are heading out again, only this time we are going to be doing an HIV education program called “Bugs in the Bedroom”.
It differs from “A Boy, A Girl, A Virus” in that it also focuses on general STIs and involves a lot of props and role playing with students. The program is livelier, but it also has a chaos element that is both exhilarating and terrifying. Telling our personal story is easy- trying to fit a condom onto a 12-inch fake penis, called “The Czar”, is not.
You should see airport security’s face when we go through screening: someone always nudges a co-worker, as if to say, “Get a look at this!” They must think Gwenn is insatiable. We used to have these big cut-out bugs, one representing viral infections, the other representing bacterial infections. Several years ago, as I was going through the screening here in Charlottesville, one of the older guys grabbed it off belt and started touching his co-workers.
“I gave you HIV!” “I gave you HIV!”
The next time we flew out of C’ville, an employee who was around my age apologized; this was months after the spectacle, which was mildly entertaining. I wasn’t really offended by the incident, but it was stunning that someone in their 50’s would react that way to being confronted with something sexual. I guess it’s mind-melting work, looking for bombs in Charlottesville’s airport.
We also bring along the dicks pictures here, which have some information on the back. The plus side of this program is that I get to be crafty, and really put my art skills to the test. These guys came out surprisingly well!
Still, even with funny-looking Dicks, this program is terrifying. Being a thinblood on stage with props and humans who respond to sex in strange ways isn’t the safest spot to be in. I guess, if worse comes to worse, I can defend myself with a 12-inch penis, or with one of the props that we bring along for the program.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
More Show Photos
February 16, 2009
I gotta mention that I got something wrong in a previous blog. It was Troy, Michigan that banned the mall condom display, not Troy, New York.
It has been corrected, my apologies to Troy, New York!
Hope everyone is having a great President’s Day. I still find myself smiling goofily in regard to Saturday night’s show. If you want to see more, check out Chad Van Pelt’s Flickr page. He always beats TMZ to the punch.
OK, it’s off to find an Abraham Lincoln costume to spice things up here on President’s Day. Wish me luck.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
V-Day 2009: Good Turnouts!
February 15, 2009
It’s not usually a manufactured holiday I choose to indulge in, but I have to say that this year’s Valentine’s Day was highly enjoyable. Perhaps that’s because it wasn’t spent alone, and there were two events that could have been, well, lonely. And they weren’t.
The first being the “Boy, Girl, Virus” program that Gwenn and I did at Hiram College in Ohio.
That’s Gwenn before the program, smiling kindly for the camera.
This is at the end of the program… can you find me? I’m thinking of doing a “Where’s Waldo?” picture at all future talks, though I’ll hide better next time. What’s cool is that there were about 60 students at the 9 pm event in the student center- and it wasn’t a mandatory program.
“This is the best turnout we’ve ever had!” One of the organizers beamed. I beamed, too.
What’s funny is that, as students were hearing about the program leading up to Thursday, some wondered if it was a play: two people would be acting out the parts of someone with HIV and someone else who is in a relationship with them. Made me think about altering it- “Gwenn, you be the positoid tonight, OK?”
Afterward a student thanked us for being real and laid back in our delivery. For us, it’s important to be ourselves- this really is such a rare opportunity educate by giving that room of people a glimpse into our lives, and the role HIV has played. I’d get nervous if I thought about this aspect every time we spoke, but we really only get one chance, and I’m honored anytime we are invited to a school, and someone sets aside an hour of their time to come listen to us and ask questions.
Another cool thing was that I met two people who had thinblooded friends! And there was a bake sale and raffle for the event, so delicious cupcakes were on hand before and after the talk. And I got some candy hearts, too. (The traditional kind, not the ones pictured here.)
Perfect.
Speaking of another good turnout, last night’s show with Synthetic Division went very well too! Lots of folks came out to see Bella Morte’s acoustic set, and my promotional video must have done some damage, too, as I saw lots of smiling and familiar faces… over a hundred people turned out, on Valentine’s Night!
My bandmate, Marshall, was a real trooper. He came down with the flu just before I left for Ohio. Before the talk at Hiram, I sent him a “Get Well” message, of sorts:
“Hey, I’m supposed to be the “sick guy” in Synthetic Division. You are damaging our brand and confusing our legions of fans.”
Actually, one thing that confused fans was the arrival of a guitar onstage during our set. Being an actual musician who knows how to play instruments- unlike me!- Marshall played guitar during two songs, “Back to Sleep” and “Did I Ever Tell You”. I hope to get these versions recorded and online soon.
So from Cleveland with my mom-in-law, to the students of Hiram and back to Gravity Lounge with Bella Morte in Charlottesville, I shared my Valentine’s Day with lots of folks. Of course, my true Valentine is Gwenn, even though we don’t celebrate the holiday… what’s cool, though, is that this year the holiday we celebrated at the beginning of our relationship (1999 and 2000, respectively) is back on the calendar.
President’s Day!
Oh, crap: it’s tomorrow… but hey, that’s the good thing about celebrating President’s Day. You never need to make a reservation.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
PS… here’s a picture of Bella Morte rocking the house, and me and Bella’s keyman, Micah, mourning the end of the beautiful night of music.
-
Decker's Daily Coffee
More Photos