Vice Presidential Debate Results
October 3, 2008
Going into last night’s debate, I wanted to get an honest, untainted opinion on who did better. Because I can’t trust MSNBC or Fox News, or even myself.
Then it came to me at lunch. As I sat there with Gwenn, my brother Kip and his family which includes a beautiful wife and two daughters (9 and six months old, respectively) it came to me: the children are the future. That cheesy song is right… they will have to live with the consequences of this election longer than I will, and they don’t even get to vote!
That’s why I turned to a new neighbor to sort this debate out. Meet My Pet Virus’ first political correspondent: Evelyn.
If you read this blog, you actually met her a couple of weeks ago in True Babies.
Evelyn is three weeks old, and I decided to watch the debate with her and monitor her responses, like those weird lifelines that float up and down the screen, representing undecided Women and Men voters, and occasionally Republicans, Democrats and Independents.
Well, all those test groups have had a lifetime of manipulating. As I watched Evelyn drool, I knew I’d found the perfect barometer to gauge the candidates. Of course, she’s too young to speak, so I made a few categories: Grunt, Cry and Smile.
With pen in hand, I awkwardly watched Evelyn as the Vice Presidential candidates met center stage… it was awkward because Evelyn was breast feeding. “Research!” I told my friend, Lauren, as she tended to her child.
Democrat Joe Biden got off to a shakey start, eliciting a scathing nipple Bite, forcing me to adjust and create a new category on the fly. That was followed by a ten-minute nap: not a good sign for the Senator from Delaware.
Evelyn woke up just in time to get her first taste of Sarah Palin, and I wondered if sexism against Joe might make Palin a more comfortable fit for the young politico?
As Palin addressed the nation, Evelyn grunted and smiled. My notion rang true, and I did not judge her, just wrote down the results like a real reporter…
Then it happened- as Sarah Palin was in mid-riff, Evelyn began to cry. Change she could believe in involved a clean diaper, and crapping her pants had evened out Joe’s sleep-inducing policy wonking.
Forty minutes in, this was anybody’s debate.
A Grunt for Joe, then a Bite for Palin, “Ouch!” Lauren screamed. Just as it seemed like this thing was Biden’s, he inspired another Grunt and his second Bite of the evening. He was trailing, and Evelyn was spent, retiring to her crib with a little less than half the debate to go: like most Americans, she’d seen enough… I set down my pen, and then, as Palin spoke Evelyn cried from afar, helping Biden narrowly escape with a draw.
I’m hoping I can tap Evelyn for the next Presidential Debate, where I’ll make sure to take note of not only her responses, but the topics that set her off. Still, overall I’m happy about this, and thus far most media sources agree with the three-week old, though I doubt Wolf Blitzer or Sean Hannity shat themselves.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Do It For Bullwinkle, Joe
October 2, 2008
On Monday, I posted my thoughts on the bailout, and that it should include covering the minor gambling losses of people with AIDS. Namely me.
Well, later that day Obama sent me a signal through the national media, just a little hint that I’d be taken care. And I quote: “I enjoy a little friendly game of poker myself every now and then,” Obama said… what else could that possibly mean?
The media is once again allowing themselves to get excited about a political debate, with tonight’s Biden V. Palin slobberknocker. The hype machine reminds me of boxing, where I’m constantly told that I can’t miss something, only to tune and be let down.
Fight of the Millenium, anyone? That was Oscar de la Hoya VS. Felix “Tito” Trinidad. In 1999, the two best fighters in the world circled one another for 12 rounds, hardly throwing a punch and uncapitivating an audience whose bloodlust would have to be satiated elsewhere.
If entertainment is what you seek, my friend made a Palin parody of the uber-catchy summer hit, “I Kissed a Girl”. It’s called “I Killed a Moose”, check it out here.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Viral Load Test Results
October 2, 2008
This week I finally willed myself to email Dr. Greg and get my viral load test results, they were undetectable- the best result possible.
Which is cool, since the labs were taken on my 7th day off meds before starting a week on cycle. (Think Karate Kid, only “Week On! Week Off!”, instead of “Wax on! Wax off!”)
At my appointment two weeks ago, Dr. Greg informed me that his teenage son is re-reading My Pet Virus… which got me thinking… maybe I should put Dr. Greg in my next book? You know, the one I said I wouldn’t blog about anymore?
During the book publishing process, a “sample cover” was sent to me, which scared me shitless and may have inspired the expression on my face on the real cover. But I’m thinking, this might be awesome for the next book! The one where Dr. Greg stakes vampires through the heart…
I ran this by the good doc, and gave me the green light to use him, under one condition: if it gets made into a movie, he gets final say as to who plays him. I retained potential film/TV rights when I signed with my publisher…
Like patient, like doctor.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
LIFE IN PHOTOS
Face Time fun with my Goddaughter. She was digging our phone chat- even though we were about three feet away from one another.
Making the enemy quit out with @squirrel_munky and @vaineos :)
Closing out the Joe with @gwennbarringer this afternoon.
Caught in full Mocha Mode...
Speaking About Sexual Health
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