My Pet New Year’s Resolutions
December 31, 2006
Christmas is over. I did manage to surprise Gwenn with those pajamas after all, because I was lucky enough to get the mail when they they arrived.
We were getting ready to go to my brother Kip’s for some holiday cheer, and Gwenn was putting the final touches on a delicious vegetarian dish, a recipe lovingly provided by her mother. I lovingly stayed out of the way. As I sat at the kitchen table, I asked. “Gwenn, could you do me a really big favor?” “Sure,” she said, full of cheer. “Could you pour me a bowl of Lucky Charms? Thanks so much.”
Now, I knew I risked bodily harm, but my delivery was perfect. Innocent and loving, though understanding that the request was absurd because there she was, knee deep in ricotta cheese. “I just don’t want to get in your way, sweetie,” I added. “… uh, OK.” She said, more puzzled than anything else. So opened the cupboard, pulled out the box. Got the milk and bowl, but when she opened the box there was a bag of cereal, it was her pajamas. “Surprise!” I said, giving her a hug and then retrieving the hidden bag of sugary oaty goodness and pouring my own bowl.
But Christmas is over. And the time has come again to bid farewell to an old year, and welcome in the new. Which means that it’s also time for New Year’s Resolutions!
I’d love to hear yours, so feel free to post. Here are mine, in no particular order:
1. Start writing my next book.
2. Retain my Charlottesville FSA Bowling Championship (that’s me, pictured with my beloved title) as well as my CAMPUSPORT Bowling Championship (I destroy other CAMPUSPEAK stars who educate about alcohol abuse, women’s self defense, mental health and how to cope with losing to Shawn Decker on the lanes).
3. Create an electro-pop cult classic CD with Synthetic Division.
4. Cure myself of AIDS.
Now, don’t laugh at the last resolution. I know most people set themselves up for disaster with these things, but I’m emboldened as I enter my 20th year diagnosed as a positoid, and I’ve got a few ideas. For instance, right after my book came out I was approached by someone who sells seaweed as a natural remedy. Helps AIDS, cancers, whatever ails ya… can you imagine my next book ending with my cure? That would be pretty awesome.
Either way, 2006 one of my best years ever. All I can ask for is continued health, happiness and love. I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful ’07 ahead of them.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Holiday Surprises
December 18, 2006
I’m in a holiday frenzy. Just ordered Gwenn some Victoria’s Secret pajamas for Christmas. Ordered them online as she peered over my shoulder, guiding me through their ridiculous site.
I thought the ones she wanted were out of stock. I went through every section, and no pink skull-print pajamas to be found. What I didn’t know was that you had to click on the flannel pair, and then go through a bunch of designs to find the skully ones.
And just last week, Gwenn checked email and a notification came in two days after I ordered her big surprise gift. Online holiday shopping blows.
I guess Gwenn got her holiday surprise today, when I finally got my lab results back.
She was expecting a spike in my viral load, or decline in t-cells. I have been a bit sluggish lately, but I know it’s just my natural recharging of the batteries, always happens after a grueling schedule. Still, the recent cold/cough didn’t exactly encourage her.
Well, the CD4 (T Cell) count is 480, up from 360 at last check in September. And the percentage went up to, from 23 to 25, which means I’ve got healthy T Cells. The viral load checked in at less than 50 copies, which is great news. It’s been less than 50 or undetectable in previous tests.
So, spoiler emails and asinine website layouts aside, Gwenn probably got the best holiday surprise she could have hoped for.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Studios, Gigs and Postponed Appointments
December 14, 2006
Well, my doctor’s appointment got postponed until next Thursday, so I’ll have to wait on posting lab results. Actually, I could call in right now and get them. Duh.
OK, real time blogging kind of blows when you get voicemail like I just did. So I’ll get to what I’ve been doing this week besides putting up Christmas decorations and drinking hot cocoa.
Earlier this week, I recorded some fresh-out-of-the-oven Synthetic Division songs with my new bandmate, Kyle. We recorded at a friend’s studio, Final Symphony, and the friend in question is Micah Consylman, the keytar player extraordinaire of Bella Morte.
Meet Micah by playing the video I made above.
I can’t tell you how happy I am with the new songs. Kyle is like the demon lovechild of programming Gods Depeche Mode and New Order. Micah, who thought we’d be a good musical match, hooked us up last summer, and I’ve been writing lyrics and vocal melodies for Kyle’s songs, which fit in perfectly with some of the music I’ve done in the past.
Once everything is mixed, I’ll post some links to the music. Oh, and if you’re local, Synthetic Division is playing on January 20th at the Dawning at Outback. (If you read the book, the Dawning is where I befriended Bella Morte to begin with, back in 1999.) But for now all I can do is post pics from Sunday and Monday’s recording sessions…
I thought bringing in a dancing Santa would foster good tidings. I was wrong. Old friends Micah and Kyle still had to settle things the old-fashioned way, and if you watched the video you probably know how things turned out for Kyle.
I’ve been listening to the songs we recorded non-stop. But for now, I think it’s time to listen to my body. For the first time in months, I’ve come down with a cold/sore throat, and I think it’s just the culmination of all the crazy travel and scheduling of the last two months. Or maybe it was the hearfelt vocals I laid down in the studio? Or the choice of shopping cart at Target?
Either way, I’m done for a couple of days. But I’ll blog tomorrow if I get those lab results back.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
Horoscope For Fellow Cancers
December 12, 2006
This guy Rob does Freewill Astrology horoscoping. Here’s my horoscope for this week, I thought it was kind of cool.
Cancer Horoscope for week of December 7, 2006
Writing in Whole Earth, Dr. Andrew Weil says, “Any level of biological organization that we examine, from DNA up to the most complex body systems, shows the capacity for self-diagnosis, for removal of damaged structure, and for regeneration of new structure.” I urge you to keep that idea close to the front of your mind in the coming week, Cancerian. Contrary to what authorities in many fields would lead you to believe, you have a lot of innate power to figure out exactly how to fix your own problems, both the health-related kind and any others.
FROM Freewill Astrology.com
I’m going to print this out and take it to my doctor’s appointment on Thursday. If there’s bad lab results, I’ll use it as proof that I can heal myself. If the lab results are good, I’ll wave the horoscope in front of my doc and claim that it’s because I healed myself.
Positively Crabby,
Shawn
Enchanting Holiday Tales
December 9, 2006
Every year it’s the same– Gwenn and I rush through Thanksgiving, then hit World AIDS Week which means we’re away from home for well over a week explaining how we have a relationship together. Then it’s home to decorate for Christmas.
I know, travel stories suck. I won’t bore you with too many details, like how my baggage was delayed or how we avoided terrible weather by mere hours. But I gotta share a couple of stories from the road, and maybe this can be a holiday tradition here at the blog, kind of the final bit of AIDS before I let the holiday season fully encompass me.
So snuggle up, grab a cup of hot cocoa, and get ready to put that red ribbon away, before replacing it with a swath of mistletoe…
The Tale of the Wayward Student
Gwenn and I answer questions at our campus talks. It’s pretty simple, and after our introductions it’s usually the same, but occassionally we are thrown for a loop. Last week, a student asked, “What about the girl?”
The girl can only be one of two people: Gwenn, who was sitting on stage beside me, or my high school girlfriend (who I fooled around with without disclosing my status) whom I talk about in my introduction. Unfortunately, any prodding to get a full sentence out of this student was proving fruitless.
“The girl…”
“Gwenn?” I wondered.
“… nah…”
“My high school girlfriend?”
“…uhng.”
Finally, the guy offers a clue, “No, the girl who you got AIDS from.”
He’d come in late, missed my introduction, and wanted to know where the girl that didn’t exist was so he could avoid that city. He was trying to make a joke, but it ended being a big waste of time.
“Well,” Gwenn said. “The neighboring county to this school has the highest infection rate in the state.”
The student was quiet, and there was an uncomfortable rumble amongst the 300 students in attendance as they realized that I wasn’t the only person with HIV in the area. “Now,” I added, addressing the confused student, “you probably want to come back home with us, right?”
The Direction Giver
The worst part of our job is traveling, and being in a rental car with the feeling that, undoubtedly, you will be arriving late to your destination. I hate the feeling of getting lost and, like sinking in quicksand, becoming more lost with every twist and turn you take.
Counter to popular culture, I’m more of the stop-and-get-directions person than Gwenn is. She gets all weird and manly. Good thing that I was driving, though I’d already done the pound the steering wheel in frustration and curse thing. (My first ever, it was awesome. I said, “How about putting some fucking signs up in this shithole! NOTE: I was in Boston, had just gone through a tunnel and took a turn only to return through the tunnel again.)
Defeated, I pulled to the side of the street, and saw this yuppy family walking nearby. I let Grandpa pass, and then asked the late-30 something guy how to get to a certain street. “Oh, this is the person you need to speak to!”
His date, who couldn’t be bothered, was on his arm. Her scarf flapped in the wind and she snipped, “Try going in that store. They can help you.”
As she pranced off, a voice said. “Do you need directions?”
It wasn’t the Angel of Avis, it was the lady sitting on the corner of the road with the cup full of $1 bills. “I know where that is,” she said. “I can write the directions out for you, I have a pen and some paper…”
And sure enough, she got us pointed in the right direction. She may not have had much money, but she had the time to help and I gave her a well-deserved tip and heart-felt thanks. Then, quite bizarrely considering where I was going and what I’d been talking about all week, and would be that evening as well, she added. “Oh, and there’s this place along the way that you and your girlfriend should check out. It’s called Condom World.”
In The Bathroom
Gwenn and I were having lunch, and we walked past a Borders. Gwenn asked, “You want to go in?”
One of the fun things about having a book out is signing stock; you go in a store, ask how copies are on hand, and then Hancock them. They put a little sticker (“Autographed By Author”) on the book, and display it. Apparently, people are more inclined to purchase a stickered book.
I waited by the Info desk, and then this amiable bald guy in a warm flannel shirt whipped around and asked, “How may I help you?”
“I was wondering if you had My Pet Virus in stock, and how many…”
“Oh my God!” He beamed. “You’re the author!!!”
I’ve gotten great reactions online and in person in regard to the book, but this was unexpected and beyond the glowing e-praise I’ve thankfully become accostomed to. “I have to go get my cellphone! Your book is in our bathroom right now!!!”
He came back, and was telling his partner the news. “You’ll never believe who I am standing beside!”
Before he ran off, he’d told me his partner– who was getting out of the hospital that day after suffering a heart attack– enjoyed the book, too. When I asked if I could talk, he smiled widely and handed me the phone, “He wants to talk to you!”
I really needed something magical, and I think I delivered. “I heard that my book made your heart stop.”
We spoke for a bit, and they too are in a positoid/negatoid relationship, which I rarely encounter at college campuses. Even though it was a massive ego-stroke, this experience was a much-needed reminder that I’m not alone in the Kenneth Cole window being gawked at, or onstage answering questions about living with HIV from people who couldn’t imagine how horrifying that must be even though I can’t even begin to imagine my life without it after 20 years of diagnosis. I love it when people see a little of themselves in me through the book.
So I signed the three books they had on hand, gave my fan a heartfelt hug, and Gwenn and I flew home the next day. Just another positoid and negatoid on their way home to unpack boxes of holiday decorations.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
The Bed In Complete
December 2, 2006
Friday was World AIDS Day, and Gwenn (my wife partner) and I commemorated the event by having a Bed In in the Kenneth Cole window at Grand Central.
The night before we spoke twice in New Jersey, and earlier in the week we went to North Carolina and Texas, answering questions from college students about our relationship as a positoid and negatoid. So putting our relationship on display is nothing new.
Traveling can be exhausting, and so can speaking. Each wears in different ways, so doing both this much can definitely make me buzzed. Still, even though we arrived in NYC after midnight, I asked Gwenn as we had breakfast at 1:30 AM in a diner if she wanted to go see the Kenneth window that we’d be in in about seven hours.
So we hopped in a cab, and it dropped us off across the street. We could see a bed, and as we got closer we noticed the bed sheets had statistics on them… and the pillows had big, bold red letters which spelled out the phrases “HE’S +” and “SHE’S -” and “SAFE SEX”. Upon further inspection, we noticed a man’s set of boats at the foot of the bed, a crumbled up pair of socks and jeans. The nightstand held a newspaper, reading glasses, and an opened condom package.
The only thing missing was Gwenn and I. We went back to our hotel, slept for about three hours, and then returned to the site, where we sat in bed, stood in bed, waved the pillows at walker-byers, talked to customers and staff at the store, and was asked by Kenneth Cole- who came by to chat with us and the media- to make out and simulate sex in bed… yikes.
We respectfully declined, citing numerous reasons, but Kenneth was persistent. We explained that it’d hard enough for us to get invited to college campuses as it is, and that, despite his urgings, the slinkly slip that his publicist brought for Gwenn would just have to remain in its shopping bag. Kenneth smiled in defeat, and Gwenn and I returned to our duties greeting walker-byers in our pajamas from the window.
Of course, without Kenneth’s help no one would have been there, no one would have seen us, and Gwenn and I would have been in a hotel room talking to some guy with a podcast. I was appreciative of his support, as well as amfAR’s. But I wanted the event to be what Gwenn and I imagined- a fun way to show that people with HIV can have lives, a fact that is often overlooked on World AIDS Day.
Would the event have gotten more attention if we’d gotten naked and shagged in the window at Kenneth Cole? Possibly. But I’m not really sure if that would have helped or hurt the perception of people with HIV. Yes, we do have sex, and we talk about it all the time. I even make a joke at colleges from time to time, laying on the floor and announcing that we are about to show them how we have sex.
But to make out in public? “I’m not saying that it’s a terrible idea,” I told Kenneth, realizing that by saying so I was actually telling him his idea blew. “It’s just not for us.”
What is for us is our next bed in, scheduled for this Thursday in our home. It’s going to be a private event, and there’s going to be rental movies, hot chocolate and, if the Positoid Gods are smiling down upon me and my mojo is peaking, yes, there will be making out. And, perhaps when all is said and done, an opened condom wrapper will be laying on the nightstand.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, Kenneth Cole is not invited to this Bed In.
Positively Yours,
Shawn
life in photos
I am frightened by ceilings. A terrible phobia to have.
Today's assortment of treats: tea for Gwenn, a mocha for me and a cookie to share.
My buddy Sharanya preparing my mocha with just an extra dash of love.
Hanging on wall in our guest bedroom. Couldn't agree more!
Speaking About Sexual Health
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